Marriage Retreats – Why Choose to Go
October 17, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Marriage retreats offer a great option for helping your marriage. Many people choose the individualized retreats – just you, your partner, and the therapist – as a way to receive concentrated, focused attention on your concerns. Here are some of the common reasons to choose such a retreat.
You are in the throws of an unfolding marriage affair crisis
Infidelity usually brings waves of confusion, anger, sadness, fear, interrogations, defensiveness, depression, uncertainty about the future, and an uncertainty about how to bring direction to the marriage. Individualized marriage retreats can help you move forward on these feelings, understand a process and direction towards healing and recovery, identify and learn helpful tools, and clarify areas for each partner to work on.
You want to get moving on an issue quickly, or you want to make quick progress
Because of their length and concentration, marriage retreats offer a unique way to quickly address marriage concerns and begin to move in a new direction. Their concentrated length enables participants to delve deeply into their concerns and gain new understanding of themselves, their partner, the affair, their marriage, and the path towards healing and improving their relationship.
You want to get your marriage moving in a new direction
Since individualized retreats are so focused and in depth, they can help identify the past problems, identify the needed changes, introduce and practice new skills, and identify new directions to move in.
You or your partner is hesitant to enter regular counseling
Surprisingly, many people who hesitate to commit to weekly counseling are willing to go to a marriage retreat because it is so concentrated in time commitment.
One or both of you have an extremely high need for confidentiality
This need is common among certain professions: politicians; civic leaders; diplomats; prominent business leaders; physicians; and other very public figures. Since most individualized retreats are not local and do not involve insurance billing, privacy is enhanced.
Your schedules prohibit the consistent scheduling needed for regular counseling
In our highly demanding work and family roles – this is becoming increasingly common. The concentrated time limited nature of marriage retreats make it possible to do some very good relationship work by just blocking out a few days. Many people actually find this easier and more feasible than ongoing appointments.
We find that most couples who have participated in retreats have been very satisfied with their choice. Many couples report that being away from the routines at home helped them focus deeply on their marriage. They also report an appreciation for the depth, focus, and practical skills offered by their retreat experience. Participants find that the relative absence of time pressure of their marriage retreat allowed deeper, less hurried personal work. Others valued the combination of relationship work and connection time afterwards.
All counseling requires a commitment by couples to be effective; and marriage retreats do require a unique commitment of time, money, and energy. Consider the reasons above to help you decide whether a marriage retreat is appropriate and valuable for you.
Author Bio: Seth Brownstein, MA, Licensed Psychologist-Master – MaryAnn Bock, MS, Licensed Mental Health Counselor. Together, they operate Associates in Couples Counseling in Burlington, VT, specializing in marriage counseling and personalized marriage retreats. http://associatesincouplescounseling.com
7 Things Not To Do When Getting Back Your Ex
October 15, 2008 | Leave a Comment
We’ve all been been there – broken up and desperately seeking for an answer to find our way back to our ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend. Sometimes, however, instead of doing the “right things”, we end up doing things that we can’t help, which ends up decreasing our chances of getting back our ex. I know it may be a habit, just like the temptation of biting your fingernails, but whatever you do, don’t do these things!
AIM
AIM has always been a popular and easy, instant way of communicating. When you were going out with your girlfriend or boyfriend, how often did you guys instant message each other – 30 minutes a day? 3 hours a day? Or did you guys just leave aim on the entire day and talked whenever.
When getting back your ex, you want to give them some space. One of the most awkward feelings is instant messaging someone saying, “Hey, I wanted to say that I love you and I hope we can talk again” only to be left seeing your own red screen name in that white box. Even if your ex saw this, or any message whether it’s “Hi Babe…” or “What’s up sweet cakes?” or “Answer now!”, this shows them that you are still activity pursuing them back, and that’s not what you want to do, for now.
Text Message
Text messaging is always cool thing because whenever you bored, you might spring up into action when you hear that text messaging sound! (I have a “light speed” sound on my Blackberry so that’s what I do at least…) You and your ex might have been secretly text messaging each other while bored in class, listening to the lecture of your professor going on and on about government and politics (Trust me I’ve been there before and I’m about to fall asleep writing those words down). If you still are text messaging your ex, thinking that there “are” some magical words that will get them back, don’t! Your missing the “big picture” here.
Call
You might be a person that talks a lot and finds a way to in put a conversation from literally anything. You might pick up the phone and see your girlfriend on boyfriend on your favorite top 5 list! You see their beautiful face and reminisce the 5 to 7 calls you would get from each other. Now you might get lucky if you get 1 to 2 calls from someone else other than your mother telling you to eat your vegetables. How you wish you can just press the speed dial button and listen to the sweet sound of your ex. Well… don’t do it. Resist the temptation because doing this will screw up your chances of getting them back! Let’s continue.
Letters
If you are not a technology type person, you may be into communicating by hand via poems and letters. This may be romantic… if you were still in the relationship. Letters and poems, however romantic or personal they are, is a call to action to how desperate one can go to getting someone back. You don’t want to put so much effort into something when they are putting barely any effort to reading your letter, less write you back. Think about about as if you broke up with your ex, and you got a letter a week letter with hearts and teddies bears of them pouring out their feelings to you. Most ex’s that read this letter most likely would just put it aside on the table and continue on with their day.
Stalk
Oh my gosh! Never do this! Stalking is weird and creepy, even if your overly obsessed with your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend. I know sometimes there are feelings that we cannot control like needing to know where your girlfriend or boyfriend is… who they are hanging out with… are these people a potential threat to taking them away from you… etc. Yes, curiosity will always be at it’s highest state during this crucial time of panic. you Might go on Facebook or eve MySpace and check up every post that is written on theirs and every post that they have written to somebody else’s to see if they are “currently seeing anybody.”
But no matter how hard is it to control these urges, don’t go out and try to see what their doing in their life. Don’t try to follow their every step. Just let them be. Not only will this drive them away way further, but you will be in a endless, never ending, and inescapable route that will only get worse by the day (think Alice in Wonderland – your just being lured into something that never makes sense and the only way to get out is to wake up). So again, don’t stalk your ex!
Manifest
If your in an emotional crises right now, which might involve crying on a pillow, walking back and forth down the hall, yelling to the walls, or looking at your guys’ photo albums, it’s best not to manifest these feelings to others. You may have feelings of depression, nostalgia, anger, and other insecurities. It’s okay to spill these emotions out once and a while, but you don’t need to constantly make them evident by showing or displaying these feelings to your friends! Doing this will not only drag them down during their day with your problems, but will only serve to hurt you more.
Be Idle
All the things above constitute of the big picture – learning to handle yourself first. When you get yourself handled first, everything else will come by “so” “much” “easier.” Go out and do some activities to clear your mind from anything but thinking about your ex. If your just sitting home and doing nothing, chances are images and memories of your ex will start slipping in.
Plan what you’re going to do with your time like going out, hanging out with some friends, and watching a movie. If you only have a few friends that are busy, go to a gym and do something where there are other people around you so you can feel that vibe like working out, running on the treadmill, and playing basketball. At first you may say that it’s stupid and you can’t function because even while doing this, you still think of your ex (that’s how I felt…). But doing something, anything, is better than staying idle at home, and as the days pass by, doing things will get a lot easier!
Stay focused on “your” life and remember to always be active. Don’t contact your ex for a while, and they’ll start thinking why haven’t you instant messaged them, text messaged them, called them, or written them a cute letter. You “should of” by now… right? By not doing these things, you’ll be one step closer to getting them back.
Author Bio: Hey, if you “seriously” want to learn how to get back with your ex, don’t stall… take action! Check out my website at http://www.expotions.com for tips, strategies, and articles on how to get back your ex.
How To Win Your Ex Back Depending On Your Personality
October 13, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Usually people fall under these four type of personalities, and depending on which one you fit under, it might have caused your girlfriend or boyfriend break up with you… You can still get your ex back, however first try look back into your relationship and think what kind of personality you have. Tip – It could be a combination of more than one of the following.
Reserved
Reserved people are usually introverted and like to keep to themselves. Most of these people don’t mind not having big social company around them, and are content with their own well being. A reserved person with high self esteem can come off as arrogant to others, while a reserved person with low self esteem can come off as insecure to others.
Would you consider yourself a reserved person? Maybe your girlfriend or boyfriend broke up with you because you were “too reserved” and wanted someone that offered them just a little bit more attention. Sometimes a relationship isn’t just about one person having the other person as a girlfriend or boyfriend as a title. Next time your with them, make sure your more opened up with your feelings and they’ll start to appreciate that you aren’t as introverted and self indulgent as you appear.
Outgoing
Outgoing people love social environments and usually are coined the term “social butterfly.” They can’t stand staying at home and love out going to places, as long as it’s not staying inside the house doing nothing… Many outgoing people like spontaneity and unpredictability, which is why you see many outgoing people at clubs, bars, and parties.
Would you consider yourself outgoing? If you do, maybe your girlfriend or boyfriend was the more casual, reserved type and didn’t feel comfortable seeing you hang out with other people risking the chances of you be taken by someone else. As they sat home watching TV, they probably kept thinking about what you were doing and who you were with. Those feeling for them might have been too unbearable. Next time you meet with them, cool down a bit. Focus your attention on them, be the ones to ask them questions, and assure them that they are the ones that you want and no one else.
Casual
Casual people usually are people that don’t mind and aren’t affected by “drama.” They are people that enjoy “going with the flow” of things, especially things that happen in everyday life. They are easy going and usually are very approachable people. Casual people tend to hang out at more easy going environments like bookstores, dog parks, at a friends place, and occasionally the movies. But they tend to hang out less in loud, rowdy environments like those of loud clubs, bars, and raves.
Are you a casual person? Cool, we have something in common. Anyway, maybe your girlfriend boyfriend broke up with because you were “too down to earth.” This basically means that you didn’t care what happened, were indecisive when they asked what you wanted to do, and did not bring enough excitement and adventure to the table. Next time your with your ex, take the effort to decide on an exciting and fun activity that both you guys can do. Show them that you can be just as adventurous as anybody else.
Emotional
Emotional people have qualities from all of the above, plus drama. They enjoy receiving attention, as well as giving attention and are very unpredictable due to their unstable moods. One minute they’ll be jumping for joy and the next crying in bed. Sometimes they can be fun to hang out with but sometimes are very obnoxious. Emotional people can adapt themselves to any environment from a coffee shop to a local club. Wherever they go, drama usually follows them around and thus they depend a lot on people’s attention.
Would you consider yourself an emotional person? If yes, the reason your girlfriend or boyfriend broke up with you might have been because you were more dependent on their attention than them being dependent on yours. They may have also had difficulty keeping up with your problems and emotional mood swings, and needed you to be more independent, along with the goal of having a stable relationship. Next time you’re with them, don’t tell them about your feelings and don’t act desperate! Just relax, and enjoy yourself as well as their company. They’ll see your independent qualities and instantly be attracted to that.
Author Bio: Hey, if you “seriously” want to learn how to get back with your ex, don’t stall… take action! Check out my website at http://www.expotions.com for tips, strategies, and articles on how to get back your ex.