7 Rules For Saving Your Marriage

November 25, 2008 | Leave a Comment

Is your marriage in trouble?

The first question you need to ask yourself is: “Do I want to save this marriage or do I want to leave it?” If the answer is that you want to save it, then this article is for you.

Following are 7 rules or choices that you can make to completely change the course of your marriage.

1. Be honest with yourself regarding your primary intention. Which category do you fall into - the intent to protect or the intent to learn?

a. Is your primary intention to protect yourself from your fears with some form of controlling behavior - such as anger, blame, criticism, withdrawal of love, threats, compliance, or resistance? Is having power over your partner and winning more important to you than being loving to yourself and your partner? Do you make your partner responsible for your feelings? Are you more devoted to getting love and avoiding rejection rather than to mutuality, caring, and sharing love?

b. Is your primary intention to learn about loving yourself and your partner? Are you more devoted to mutuality, caring and sharing love than to being right, winning, having your way, or making your partner responsible for your feelings? Is learning more important to you than whether or not you receive approval?

Basic to all the other rules is being in the intent to learn about loving yourself and others. If your primary intent is to protect yourself from pain and rejection with controlling behavior, you will have no chance of improving your relationship. You will continue to create the very problems you are attempting to avoid with your controlling behavior.

2. Let go of the past. Hanging on to old grievances is part of the intent to protect - blaming your partner for your pain rather than taking responsibility for whatever choices you made that resulted in your unhappiness.

3. Disengage from conflict as soon as one person is not open to learning. There is no point in trying to talk out problems and issues until both people are open to learning. If you are open and your partner is not, then give up trying to solve problems by talking about them and unilaterally figure out how to take loving care of yourself in the face of your partner’s choices.

4. Keep your eyes on your own plate, sharing only about yourself and your own learning. Let go of analyzing or defining your partner. Let go of interrogating questions that are really attacks. These behaviors are controlling and invasive. Your job is to define yourself, not your partner! The more you define your own inner worth and let go of attempting to define your partner, the better your relationship will become.

5. Do your own Inner Bonding work to deal with your issues of abandonment and engulfment, and to define your own worth and lovability. Rather than making your partner responsible for your fears of abandonment or your fears of losing yourself, do your inner healing work to move beyond these fears. Take full 100% responsibility for these fears rather than making your partner responsible for causing them.

6. Accept your lack of control over the other person, choosing instead to see your partner as his or her own person. Learn to cherish the differences rather than try to make your partner into you. Support your partner in becoming all he or she came to this planet to be. Support your partner in what brings him or her joy, taking responsibility for whatever fears your partner’s independence brings up for you.

7. Make kindness to your self and others your guiding light, even when your fears are triggered.

Once again, if you are stuck in the mindset of protection and control, you will not be able to make these choices. Your intent to learn is basic to being able to make these choices and improve your relationship. You are in charge of your intent and you always have the option to let go of the intent to protect/control and move into the intent to learn about loving yourself and your partner.

Author Bio: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding

How Can I Save a Doomed Marriage? Free Tips Inside

November 23, 2008 | Leave a Comment

With divorce becoming more common every year, it may seem like when marital problems become too much that divorce is the way your marriage is headed. But even if your marriage has reached that stage where you find yourself asking ‘how can I save a doomed marriage?’, there is still hope.

The first thing you must do is communicate with your partner. This means discussing both positive and negative things but it does not include laying the blame on your spouse. This will do nothing to help save your marriage. If anything, it will only make your spouse defensive and probably more unwilling to try and make the marriage work.

You also have to talk about the deeper issues in your marriage which have contributed to its deterioration. Even if it makes you uncomfortable, you have to deal with this sooner or later if you want the marriage to survive in the long run. This doesn’t have to turn into a nasty affair. If these issues are important enough to affect your marriage then you should be able to discuss this civilly and rationally in order to come up with a solution that can benefit your marriage.

Despite the many emotions that can arise during this period, it is important not to blindly rush into actions which could end up pushing your partner away from you. This includes being too involved or affectionate, or being too overbearing. Instead, think calmly about your next course of action. How you can protect and save your marriage.

If that doesn’t work or if your efforts only result in more fighting, try to put some space between the two of you. Time apart can have positive effects, especially if both of you are at an emotionally stressed out.

If the problems seem to be beyond your ability to fix it by yourselves, you should consider trying marriage counselling. Marriage counsellors will be able to help you and your spouse get out into the open the urgent problems you must take care of. They will be able to offer advice and their take on the problems plaguing your marriage.

One of the answers to ‘how can I save a doomed marriage?’ is to make some changes in your life. Even if you make promises to your spouse, it won’t mean anything until you actually make noticeable transformations. Try to improve and make a conscious effort to change the bad habits that could be affecting your marriage.

Your effort is all well and good but your spouse has to be willing to make the marriage work as well. If you have children, it can make it more important that the two of you work out your differences since you won’t be the only ones who will be affected. However, if the children are the only reasons that the two of you can think of to stay together, then you may have some more thinking to do before coming up with the answer to ‘how can I save a doomed marriage?’.

Author Bio: Worried about How Can I Save a Doomed Marriage? Don’t worry - you can save and strengthen it now! Get free award winning advice on how to save your marriage at http://www.SaveYourMarriageQuick.com

Best Way to Handle a Breakup

November 22, 2008 | Leave a Comment

If you really want to get your ex back, you will probably need a step by step formula to help you think through some basic strategies to win back your ex.

Accept The Break Up ?

I don’t have to tell you that making the decision to stay in or leave a relationship is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make. Mourning the end of the relationship is the first step. One of the best things you can do is to accept the break up. But that is just the beginning because most relationships can be salvaged from the wreckage. You next step will be to try and start afresh. That means basically writing a short letter agreeing that it was the right thing to do to break up. An admission of defeat ? On the contrary, this is just the beginning. You do not even have to be full of recriminations or bitterness or even jealousy. Time to stay cool. Most of the books available on getting your ex back will tell you to start examining your own conscience and to play a waiting game and not do anything for a while. They charge you a lot for telling you that as well!

Stop SUFFERING!

Letting go of someone you love is the most painful feelings human beings can experience. It means losing love, and love is the highest form of happiness known to mankind. Time to get it back. You could be leading a normal existence again without the worry of depression, binge eating or sleepless nights.

Yes This Relationship Can Be Saved !

Can he/she give you the love passion and joy of a stable loving relationship? Was it really like that? You know more than anyone else if it really was like that. You know that you had a lot going and it was not one-sided. You have the proof.It was NOT a relationship that just fizzled out because both sides felt completely indifferent - well if it was like that, then the relationship cannot be saved. If the answer though is YES, then time to get your ex back. What do you need to do to restore the broken bonds and what you have to do to heal the wounds? Think of all the reasons why he/she is your ex and how you came to arrive at this point. Then start planning your overall strategy because you CAN save the relationship. Think positive !

Strategies To GET YOUR EX BACK

In the link below you will discover a few simple techniques that will get your ex back. They will form part of an overall strategy. You will learn how to get your ex to return your call or test message. You will learn how to look after yourself, how to make a plan and stick to it. There are also some tips on arousing curiosity (rather than resentment) which will help you to get back together again.

Author Bio: Mark L. Robertson writes on dating and relationships.He recommends the The Magic Of Making Up as the best way to handle a break up.

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