3 Easy Ways to Catch a Cheating Spouse

December 27, 2008 | Leave a Comment

When you have suspicions that you have a cheating spouse you can feel very weak and vulnerable. You can also feel like the world is coming to an end and that the earth under your feet is very unstable. You can feel very disorientated and can have a feeling like you are always clutching at straws.

That’s how I felt when I suspected I was living with a cheating spouse. So what did I do to find out whether they were cheating or not. Well I used the following 3 easy ways to find out whether my spouse was cheating.

1. Look at their habits. When you live, or are around someone for a period of time you get accustomed to how they operate. People are creatures of habit so it is easy to notice if their habits have changed. If someone suddenly takes an interest in going out with friends that they never mentioned before on a Tuesday night then that will start alarm bells ringing. Also you can add a sudden interest in a hobby that just happens to take them out of the house and cannot involve you then this can also be read as an indication that the are up to something that they do not want you to be part of.

2. Look at their attitude. Again be on the lookout for changes in their attitude to you and how they answer questions. If you get the feeling that your spouse starts talking in a way that sounds vague, i.e. answers questions in a vague, non specific way like saying I’m going out with the girls/guys without at least mentioning anyone particular when questioned then they are trying not to give enough specifics to be caught out later. Someone without anything to hide will use specifics, like when questioned will say “…well Steve and John were there…” as opposed to replying “you know…the guys”

3. Look at their phone activity. When a spouse is cheating there will usually be a strange call somewhere. It is either one to be made or one that comes in at the wrong time. Most likely because they are lying to the other person as well and will have to make arrangements to meet or the other person isn’t aware of the marital situation and calls inadvertently. So watch out for your spouse not answering calls because they do not recognise the number or changing rooms to make a call.

With today’s technology it has become a lot easier to get the proof that your spouse is cheating and a lot of people have employed private detectives to spy on their spouses. That is no longer a necessary expense as a lot of the products are available over the counter and are capable of being used by everyone without any need for special training, only a determination to catch the cheating spouse. There are many services available today that simply were not available a few years ago meaning that a lot of heartache from the past need not be felt anymore.

About the Author: You know you have a cheating spouse but you just don’t know how they can be caught cheating. For a full list of services that are available please visit www.cheatingspousesite.info.

Marriage Counseling Can Help To Improve Relationships

December 26, 2008 | Leave a Comment

At the foundation of any marriage and family is a core relationship. Relationships can be difficult for many people - particularly when they are not comfortable communicating their feelings, when they feel unsettled when others are upset with them and when there are kids involved. For them, when there are challenges in the marriage, marriage counseling is often the most effective way of recognizing and working through the difficulties.

With marriage counseling, both spouses are able to sit down, to talk and to have the chance to be heard. Therapists who specialize in marriage counseling will be there to facilitate the conversation, to ask questions, to encourage active listening and to help both spouses to more comfortably express the hurt, anger or frustration that they are experiencing.

Unfortunately, the emotional toll of a conversation or an event can be particularly high. Within relationships, the emotional strain is something that can build over time - especially when both parties involved have trouble discussing the way that they feel or the event that prompted the response.

In marriage counseling, however, many couples find that they are in a better position to open up and - more importantly - to feel heard by their spouse. While it can be uncomfortable to start talking, while hearing the details of what hurt a husband or a wife and while it can be difficult to talk about emotions or situations that are painful, having those conversations in the setting of marriage counseling can ease some of the strain.

Marriage counseling, while it can dramatically improve relationships, is not just a matter of meeting with someone who will “fix” the problem; marriage counseling is a process of improving communication and ultimately of uncovering past hurts so that they can be worked through. Despite the fact that these hurts have often been buried, despite the fact that sometimes the event that has caused the hurt may be long in the past, marriage counseling can serve to uncover the underlying issues and to work on rebuilding communication and trust as well as a strong foundation for moving the relationship forward.

In part, the reason that marriage counseling works in many relationships is simple: marriage counseling works because it helps couples to acknowledge the hurts and frustrations, to work through the anger and to communicate with one another. In part, marriage counseling works simply because it enables both parties to express themselves and to feel heard by one another.

Communication is often difficult - especially when both parties either believe that they are in the right or there is a sense of not wanting to hurt the other person in any way. In marriages, a lack of communication can have a number of negative effects on the relationship; marriage counseling can serve to repair the damage and to reopen the lines of communication.

With marriage counseling, what many couples discover is that the biggest problem that they have faced is a lack of communication that has led to a lack of trust. What they learn during marriage counseling is the ability to communicate - something that, over time, allows them to improve the relationship on the whole.

About the Author: For more information on counseling for couples, individuals, marriage and relationships, or live phone counseling, visit The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory.

10 Magical Daily Minutes That Will Improve Your Marriage

December 25, 2008 | Leave a Comment

If you are like most married people, you work, take care of your children, worry about paying your bills and staying healthy, and spend a lot of your “free time” on laundry, grocery shopping and home maintenance. Working on your marriage and strengthening your bond as a couple may not even make your to-do list.

But what if I told you that devoting just ten minutes a day to your spouse can produce magical results?

As a marriage and family therapist, I know how important this “couple time” is, not just to husband and wife but to children who gain when their parents are in a happy and stable relationship that centers on them and not on their children.

Everyone has ten minutes to spare, whether at the beginning of their day or after they come home from work to reconnect with their spouse for what I call “the daily magic ten minutes.” Doing so will set the remainder of the day or the evening right for everyone in the family.

Couples with toddlers and very young children can do this too. Of course, they will need to make sure their children are safe when they plan their alone time. If your children are slightly older, you might make this new habit into a game. I urge parents to tell their children playfully, “Unless the sky falls in, or a whale eats you up, or there’s blood, please don’t interrupt us. Mommy and Daddy need alone time. But we’ll be done in ten minutes.” Put a timer where they can see it, and your kids will know when the time is up. If you have children who are old enough to watch their siblings, you can pay them to baby sit while the two of you go off to seek a quiet place to chat with each other.

Daily Magic Ten Minutes Rules

You and your spouse are taking the time you deserve and need in order to reacquaint yourselves as spouses and as people once again – and not as parents or employees. As a result, certain topics are off-limits. No talking about what the children did that day or what happened at work.

This is precious time you are taking for yourselves, perhaps in your bedroom with the door closed, perhaps over a cup of tea or a glass of wine.

Talk about whatever you want. If the ten minutes allotted turn out not to be enough, pick up the discussion again the next day right where you left off. Or contract for more time later in the evening.

Some topics you might want to explore together as you get used to this new habit are: books you want to read, trips you’d love to take, hobbies you would like to pursue, purchases you would like to make, thoughts about where you would like to live when you retire, and what you might like to do when you reach retirement age.

Asking open ended questions of each other will keep the conversation going. Then you both are sure to learn information about your spouse you didn’t know. You may even discover that you are not the expert on your spouse you thought you were. For example, recently, my husband told me his favorite sport was baseball. I was quite surprised, because he is a diehard football fan and season ticket holder. Now when he talks about baseball, I listen more intently because I know he is sharing with me on a topic that is close to his heart.

Whatever you talk about with your spouse, I hope you have fun with this new time together. Sooner or later, children leave home. And when yours do, you will find that your empty nest will not be a problem. Instead, it will present a continuation of your ability to deepen your relationship with your best friend, the person you married.

About the Author: Dr. Beth Erickson is a marriage and family therapist, radio host, book author and developer of “The Best Part of Your Life” program for executives, entrepreneurs and their spouses. Dr. Beth has appeared on NPR and in Cosmo, USA Today and many other national media. Visit http://www.Dr.BethErickson.com to receive email updates from her and take a marriage assessment quiz that lets you know how your marriage stacks up. And visit http://www.AskDrBethErickson.com if you want to ask her a question which she will answer personally.

« Previous Page — Next Page »