Is Your Marriage Crushing You Like A Grape?
April 8, 2009 | Leave a Comment
Have you ever been to a winery?
Can you imagine what it would be like to be one of those grapes? Really…play along with me here for a moment.
Can you imagine what it would be like to be plucked, pushed, crushed, pressed, skinned, and fermented? OUCH! The pain! What’s the point of it all?
A lot of people feel that way about the pain they experience in their marriage. “Why am I doing this? Where is this relationship going?”
But just as a grape goes through a difficult process before it becomes a fine wine, sometimes our marriage has to go through a painful process before it matures.
The people who have the best marriages are NOT people who grew up well-adjusted, have healthy adult lives, and normal parents. People like that usually have OKAY marriages.
The BEST marriages are with couples who were crushed, who went through a painful process, and who built their relationship from the ruins of broken hearts.
There’s an ancient song by King David, “Those who sow in tears will reap harvest in glad song.”
And so it is that pain is often the preview to pleasure. Any woman who has experienced child birth can testify to this truth.
In my work doing marriage coaching, I have noticed that very often the turning point in a marriage is when a couple hits rock bottom. It’s not until they’ve been through the worst that things start to get better.
But the turnaround in a marriage is NOT automatic. Just because you hit bottom, does NOT mean you’ll bounce back. If you don’t make it happen, you’ll just crash. In order to turn your marriage around, you have to take RESPONSIBILITY.
What does it REALLY mean to be responsible? A person who is responsible has the ABILITY to RESPOND. In other words, if you take response-ability for your marriage, then your marriage is not determined solely by what happens; it’s also determined by how you RESPOND to what happens.
A responsible person is not a victim to their circumstances. They are the master of their fate. How you respond to your marital circumstances today WILL determine your marital circumstances tomorrow. YOUR actions create your marriage. You can turn sour grapes into a fine wine.
If you know how to do this, then do it now. If you need help, then USE ME. I can help you. Years ago my marriage was hours from “done.” I turned it around and I can show you how too. I’ve helped thousands of marriages. Have you seen the miracle stories on my web site?
Making a relationship work is not mystical. Love is NOT a mystery. You don’t have to be “lucky in love.” You can “make love.” You just have to know the recipe.
About the Author: If you want to learn more about how I can help you, subscribe to Mort Fertel’s FREE report, “7 Secrets for a Stronger Marriage” and get my FREE marriage assessment. CLICK HERE to subscribe. It’s FREE.
Dating Your Spouse
April 7, 2009 | Leave a Comment
One of the biggest questions about marriage is “How do we keep things fresh so we don’t get bored with each other?” My answer to this is, go out on a date!!! I’m not talking about a nice evening at Chucky Cheeses with the kids; I’m talking about a real date with flowers, wine and heck, maybe even a limo from time to time. Now this would be a big date but in between big dates we need to go on a series of small dates. This would entail getting a baby sitter for the kid(s) and going out to the movies, dinner, a few drinks at the local pub or just going for a nice bike ride to places that you normally don’t go. The one thing about having children is that it’s very easy to get stuck into a routine and not do anything for each other because you don’t think you have the time. And if you find the time, then the excuse usually is that you don’t have the energy. Well not having the time or energy is a poor excuse for not keeping a marriage fresh, fun and full of love and happiness.
From a personal perspective I can tell you that I have four children under seven years old and I am the only wage earning employee in the house. In other words, we live paycheck to paycheck much of the time. What makes our marriage a good one is that we find time for each other. We don’t go out on dates all the time, sometimes it’s only once in a month but we both look forward to that time together because we plan it ahead of time and stick to it. At times we do get to go out alone together more often and we are currently working on that prospect but we are taking it slow for now and not promising ourselves too much. Basically, we want to keep it fresh and doable. We can always tell when we need a date, things just get a little too tense in the house over the smallest of things.
For those of you that have family nearby (that’s not our situation) you have even better, and cheaper options. Not only can you save money on a few hours going out but now you can graduate to going out for dinner and having a romantic evening in a nice hotel. Once you get really into this dating theme and realize how much better it makes your relationship, you will soon find yourselves taking short weekend trips and creating many lasting memories and laughs together. Remember, find the time for each other, go to different places where you can talk and laugh a lot together when you’re out. Your affection for each other is contagious and will help to carry both of you through until the next date together. And even though I did say to plan these dates it is okay to surprise your spouse with an adhoc date from time to time as well. They’ll love the thoughtfulness and you’ll be richly rewarded.
About the Author: Matthew is a senior writer and columnist for Marriage Expert. He is married with children. Please visit us at our website and share your experiences with us. Visit Marriage Expert.
What Time Is It For Your Marriage?
April 5, 2009 | Leave a Comment
Many people think the goal of life is to be happy. I don’t think so.
Have you ever been to a funeral? That’s not a time to be happy. It’s a time to be sad. Did you ever take the SAT’s, the MCAT’s, or any other important entrance test? That’s not a time to be happy. It’s a time for intensity. Have you ever waited for test results from a medical exam? That’s not a time to be happy. It’s a time to worry. Have you ever encountered a lot of turbulence on an airplane? That’s not a time to be happy. It’s a time to be scared.
The goal of life is NOT to be happy. The goal of life is to know what time it is.
“Everything has its season. And there is a time for everything under the heaven.”
“A time to be born and a time to die.”
“A time to weep and time to laugh.”
“A time to wail and time to dance.”
“A time to rend and time to mend.”
“A time to be silent and a time to speak.”
“A time to love and a time to hate.”
“A time for war and a time for peace.”
What time is it for you?
If you’re reading this, then maybe it’s time to renew your marriage. Is so, then subscribe to Mort Fertel FREE report, “7 Secrets for a Stronger Marriage” and get FREE marriage assessment. CLICK HERE to subscribe. It’s FREE.