Anger Management Tips For Married Couples

May 30, 2009 | Leave a Comment

Everyone gets angry at some time or another. The way you manage the anger you feel will make a difference in whether the situation gets resolved sooner rather than later. When you argue with your spouse, there are some compromises that must be made. It cannot just be about ‘I am right and you are wrong’. The anger that you feel cannot take over your sense of judgment. After all, this is the person you married because you love them.

When you have a disagreement, take a cooling off period before you say things you may wish you could take back. In the heat of anger people will say hurtful things they do not mean just to make a point. But the cooling off period will give you time to think about the importance of the argument in a different light. This will also prevent anything being said that you will be sorry for later.

Arguments are bound to happen. It might be over something that was done or something that was said. Or it could be something that you did not do. Whatever the reason is, learn to confront conflict in a healthy way rather than attacking your spouse or holding in your anger to the point where you resent each other. There are many ways to agree to disagree without hurting each other’s feelings and damaging your marriage.

If you have children, one thing you should never do is have a huge argument in front of your children. They can be easily confused and think they have done something to cause the argument. Dragging them into an argument is never a good idea. Disagreeing is one thing but an all out argument should be stopped immediately if your children are in the vicinity. Children whose parents argue a lot and scream at each other will often display unruly behavior or withdraw because the two people they love most in the world are scaring them.

If you cannot seem to agree on things and a problem is created that is making everyone miserable, a good idea would be to see a marriage counselor. They can help the two of you to get to the bottom of whatever is causing the arguments and help you to see this is not solving anything.

Sometimes this is the only choice you may have if you have already tried everything else and nothing is working. The prospect of living with someone and arguing constantly is not conducive to having a healthy relationship. You will not be happy. Your spouse will not be happy and your children will not be happy either.

Another thing you might want to try to keep anger from ruining your relationship is a vacation together to spend some time getting to know each other again. If the stress of everyday is getting to the two of you and has an impact on the arguments you are having this may be a solution to your problems.

Often people get so caught up in the everyday problems and get so stressed that arguments are the end result. By spending some time away from the stress and problems and enjoying your time together you may find that you have better things to do than arguing.

About the Author: Danielle Taylor is a freelance author, and a mom of 3, who lived through a tough divorce with her husband of 15 years, and managed to get back on track as a successful and happy person. Visit www.Xstilla.com to read more of her articles and get help from members of the divorce support community!

Posted by Brahem | Filed Under Save Marriage Tips 

Never Get Married Because You’re In Love

May 28, 2009 | Leave a Comment

I’ll repeat that. Never get married because you’re in love.

Sounds crazy?

It’s not.

Let me tell you why.

Ever been to a single’s bar? Mosey on over to the one nearest you and watch what happens. When a man approaches a woman in a singles’ bar – or a woman approaches a man – they each know exactly one thing about the other: how they look. She’s attracted to him, he’s attracted to her. And that physical chemistry forms the basis of whatever relationship may or may not develop. Now, they may think they’re in love. But in fact, they are simply infatuated with each other.

Here’s one to remember: Chemistry ignites the fire, but character keeps it burning. Chemistry – physical attraction – is not something to be ignored. But a deeply loving relationship based on mutual respect cannot stand on chemistry alone. That can only happen with someone whose character you can value and appreciate.

The best way (actually, the only way) to have a lasting relationship is to really look at the quality of the person you’re dating. That means being on the lookout for specific character traits, both positive and negative. The top four qualities to look for are humility, kindness, responsibility and happiness.

Humility. What is humility? Well, it is not being a doormat. Letting people walk all over you is not necessarily a sign of humility. It’s a sign of weakness.

Humble people are not weak. Humble people want to do the right thing rather than their thing, and that takes a lot of confidence and inner strength.

Someone who is humble will put values above convenience.

They can accept criticism without being defensive, because they’re committed to personal growth rather than to comfort.

A humble person will not get angry easily, because they don’t feel that anybody owes them anything. That’s the reason they also tend not to be materialistic.

Now, you may think that the above description applies only to angels. And it would be a mistake to narrow your search down to someone who has mastered all of the above qualities that go along with humility. Nobody’s perfect. But you should look for someone who values humility and is striving to achieve it. At the very least, ask yourself if the person you’re dating is arrogant. You definitely do not want to marry an arrogant person who feels that people owe him or her the world.

Kindness. Kindness is more than just being a nice person. If you ask most engaged couples if their intended spouse is kind, they’ll probably say yes. But the divorce rate is over 50%. If everybody is so kind, then why is the divorce rate so high? Because although people think that they’re kind, they really lack a depth of kindness.

So, what’s kindness? Being a kind person means being a giver, someone who’s committed to giving pleasure and minimizing other people’s pain. If two people like this get married, they are much less likely to suffer serious problems in their relationship. That’s because each one is dedicated to the other’s well-being.

How do you know if someone is truly a kind person? Look at how they treat the other people in their lives. How do they treat their parents, siblings and grandparents? Do they feel a sense of gratitude to their parents? If not, what makes you think they’ll feel any sort of gratitude towards you after you’re married?

Watch how they treat the “little people” towards whom they have no obligations – waiters, busboys, doormen, secretaries. How do they treat their employees? What’s their business reputation like? Are they ruthless?

Does the person you’re dating do volunteer work? If not, do they give charity? If the answer to both questions is no, that isn’t a good sign.

Do they drive courteously? What happens when they drink, when they lose control a little bit? How do they act?

Take note of the answers to these questions. Write them down so that you’ll have a whole picture in front of you when you need to make a decision about whether or not to continue a relationship.

Responsibility. First thing, ask yourself: Is this person irresponsible? If the answer is yes, be careful. You do not want to marry an irresponsible person. If your first, off the cuff answer is no, then check them out.

Do they have a stable work history? Do they have stable friendships? Do they have long-term friendships, or do they need to move around a lot?

Ask yourself: Can you rely on this person? Do you feel safe and secure with them? Another good question is to ask yourself is if you can trust what the other person says. Do they stand behind what they say? Do they live up to their commitments?

Happiness. You might be stumped on that one. Since when is happiness a character trait?

That all depends on how you define happiness. A happy person is someone who is basically content, who focuses on what they have, not on what they don’t have.

Life has no guarantees. Anyone can be dealt a hard blow. But a person who is internally happy will be able to get past life’s obstacles, whereas someone who is constantly focused on the negative will have a much harder time. And you want to be married to someone who can smile at life.

So remember: Never get married just because you’re in love - focus on character, not on chemistry. Look for a quality person to share your life with, someone humble, kind, responsible and happy.

You deserve no less!

About the author: David LeVine - Your search is ending! Now there is no excuse to put off meeting – and winning – your own soul mate. No more miserable dates. http://www.warmwisdompress.com/dating/

Posted by Brahem | Filed Under Marriage Advice 

Are Men or Women More Prone to Unfaithfulness?

May 27, 2009 | Leave a Comment

Unfaithfulness in a relationship has been a hot topic discussed in many settings, probably since the beginning of time. The basketball court, the beauty salon, and the barber shop, are some of the likely places in which people have been compelled to put their two cents in. We’ve all huddled up in a group or at least witnessed people gather to debate over the roles men and women play in their unfaithfulness. Some debates are heated, and some are even humorous, while others allow women and men to learn more about each other in the process of exchanging ideas, feelings, and attitudes about the impact of cheating and being cheated on. Yet the age-old question still remains: Who cheats more, women or men?

Some men seem to follow a common route when developing an answer to this question. Their initial thoughts are somewhat obscured by their resistance to admit their own unfaithfulness in their relationships. But when probed further into discussion, they’re more willing to confess it as long as they’re given the chance to explain why. When asked if women or men cheat the most, transportation manager Lee Greene replied: “I believe men cheat the most because we can. For me, it was easy. Being away from home a lot made it easy and my cockiness made it easy. But I got a conscience about hurting the woman I was with. I felt like a snake, so I stopped.”

“Women do cheat, but men cheat the most. Women have to think about certain risks if the man decides to walk away, like pregnancy, emotional attachment, and STDs,” said salon owner Alta Haralson. “Men don’t seem to consider all the same risks as much as women do, which would make women less inclined to cheat.” She went on to say that the reason a man goes outside of his relationship to have an affair is due to ego and selfishness. “If he feels he’s not sexually fulfilled by his partner, he goes elsewhere. Sometimes it’s just about being bored with one person.”

Unfaithfulness in relationships can result from numerous issues such as lack of intimacy, feeling neglected or ignored, and emotional withdrawal. Unfaithfulness can also lead to irreversible distrust, revenge, divorce and, in some extreme cases, murder. As vehement as we may be about our opinions on this subject, we must be as diligent in remembering the outcome of some of the most infamous cases of unfaithfulness. To name a few: Joey Buttafuoco and his under-aged sidepiece, Amy Fisher, who shot Mrs. Buttafuoco in the face in the heat of a jealous rage; Basketball star Kobe Bryant, who stepped out on his wife, Vanessa, when he had a sexual encounter with a woman in a Colorado hotel room, after which he was charged with rape; and let’s not forget about one of our nation’s most revered presidents, Bill Clinton, who faced impeachment after lying about his affair with intern Monica Lewinsky. The media had a field day with these cases, crowning men the kings of unfaithfulness.

However, according to Michelle Langley, author of Women’s Infidelity, women are cheating just as much as men and the media have just begun to acknowledge, to a limited extent, the pervasive crisis associated with female unfaithfulness. On her website, Womensinfidelity.com, she asserts that after researching women’s sexuality for more than ten years, she concluded that most of society’s beliefs about females are extremely distorted and invalid. She further claims that after an average of four years of marriage, women in their twenties and thirties experience a pre-midlife crisis similar to the male midlife crisis, which makes women more likely to cheat. She also states that women – under this profile at Stage 3 – have lost interest in sex with their husbands who often have no knowledge of their wives’ affairs.

Finding the answer to the battle of the sexes in the cheating department may go down in history books as having more complex questions and no finite solution. At the end of the day, we’ll never establish the absolute winner of this never-ending contest. And maybe it would help if the question were posed differently by asking “Who gets hurt the most from unfaithfulness in a relationship?” Then we’d all agree – hands down –that nobody ever wins.

About the Author: Mel Bancroft is a contributing writer for ; Regal Black Mens Magazine For more information on this subject visit our ; Lifestyle Section To read about ; unfaithfulness.

Posted by Brahem | Filed Under Cheating Spouses 

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