How To Get Your Relationships Needs Met

June 29, 2009 | Leave a Comment

If you can get your relationships needs met, the relationship has a better chance of being long and happy. Not having your needs met is one of the biggest reasons relationships don’t work out. And after a break up, it’s especially important to have your relationships needs met to stay happy and stay together.

The surefire way to get your needs met in a relationship is by making sure the other person knows just what those needs are. You can’t read minds, and you shouldn’t expert your partner to be able to read minds either. He or she wants to make sure your relationships needs are met, so tell them what they are.

At the same time, encourage your partner to tell you the needs he or she feels are important. You might be surprised to learn, if you’ve never had this conversation before, how different your needs might be.

You might feel the need for you partner to tell you he loves you often, so may you do that for him. He no doubt enjoys that, but maybe what he really needs is for you to do quick considerate things to make him feel special. Some people like to be told, and some people like to be shown.

Simply having a discussion about your relationships needs can strengthen the relationship and make it easier for you to keep each other happy. If you’re uncomfortable having such a frank discussion, you should do it anyway. Telling each other your needs is better than hinting or expecting them to be psychic.

You may really need your partner to be more helpful to you. But when it’s time to clean or wash dishes you do them alone, yet again. And instead of simply asking for help or letting him know that it would mean a lot to you if he would do them sometimes or do them with you, you get angry.

You might huff around while you’re doing them, slam a cabinet, or act otherwise put out. This is passive aggressive behavior. You’re trying to manipulate him into helping you by acting that way. It’s much better and healthier to simply ask for help.

Passive aggressive behavior is common in relationships, and it’s a worsening cycle because it doesn’t work. If he does take your hint, it’s only after you’ve acted put upon, angry and resentful. So his doing the dishes might be only to keep you from acting that way.

If you ask for help and explain that it makes you feel good when he wants to help you, then he’s coming at the task from a place of love and helpfulness. He doesn’t feel guilted into doing it, so it’s better for everyone.

This applies to things like showing affection, respecting each other’s feelings, and every aspect of your relationship. When you want something, ask for it, and be prepared to give your partner what he or she asks for to make sure all your relationships needs are met.

The Wife Led Relationship Is It For You

June 27, 2009 | 1 Comment

There are different degrees to a wife led relationship. Many men are content and even thrilled to let the wife take complete control of the relationship. This goes beyond letting her make the decisions, into dominant and submissive behavior. Some men simply allow the wife to make the major decisions and set the tone, without being truly submissive.

To what degree your marriage becomes a wife led relationship is based mostly on both your preferences. Maybe you feel better when she makes the decisions and handles the checkbook. Remember that though you’re allowing her to have that control, it can be a burden too. Especially if she’s not comfortable with those tasks.

Rather than feeling like she’s lucky to have control, she might feel that you’re pushing off unpleasant decisions and jobs onto her. Be sure to balance it by taking over things that she doesn’t like to do. This type of marriage is wife led in the sense that she has the major amount of control.

But a popular fantasy for many men is to have a truly wife led relationship. They become quite submissive to the wife in everything. They do the chores and anything she tells them. And serving their wives in this way pleases them a great deal.

The submissiveness even carries over their sex lives. In fact, that’s the big appeal for many men in having this type of relationship. They secretly want to be dominated sexually, and the rest just adds to that appeal.

In a true wife led relationship, the man knows that she has authority over him. He does the chores and tries to anticipate her every need. She doesn’t thank him, but may tell him he’s doing a good job.

When it comes to sex, the man is only allowed as much pleasure as the woman feels like letting him have. And not allowing him to have an orgasm, or delaying it, is something these men find enjoyable.

A relationship of this type isn’t for everyone, but many men feel happiest when their wives have control. And while it might sound like the woman has it made in a wife led relationship, it’s not always easy for her either.

If a woman has been raised believing in the typical roles of husband and wife, suddenly being asked to take charge of everything can be daunting. Granted, the housework and other chores will probably be done by the man. But the handling of the big decisions, finances and other things might be a new experience.

Some women may not enjoy it, at least not all the time. But if the man really wants that, a compromise could work where certain days or periods of time are spent with the wife taking charge.

If you would like this kind of relationship but don’t know how to ask your wife, you may want to write your feelings down. Or you could start behaving as if you’re in a wife-led relationship and then bring it up by asking her if she likes your behavior.

How to Save An Abusive Marriage

June 26, 2009 | Leave a Comment

An abusive marriage is one where your partner emotionally or physically abuses you. It may be stressful for you to deal with such problem. Your marital relations are affected a lot due to the physical, emotional or sexual abuse by your partner. You may be troubled by such abuse as it can leave a high impact on your physical and psychological conditions. But, before you take any harsh decision like having a divorce, try to find out the solutions and think about how to save an abusive marriage.

The abuse in marriage may be emotional, physical, economical or sexual. The emotional and verbal abuse may be using insulting words, rejection, ignorance, terrorizing, isolation and corruption which may lead to inferiority complex within you. There may be the economical abuses such as refusing to buy necessities, controlling all bank accounts, stealing money from your account, refusing an access to credit cards or confiscates monetary gifts. The physical abuse includes battering, biting, injuring and causing burn injuries.

How will you come to know that your partner is abusive? Some of the warning signs of abusive partner are as follows- he may push the relationship too fast, he demands your attention at all times, he may be very competitive, he feels jealousy about your family members and friends and he is with extreme lows and highs.

Abuse can cause a very harmful condition which may badly affects the physical and psychological status of a person. The victim may get extremely terrified and disturbed and may lose psychological balance. The effects of abuse may be depressing and longer-lasting. Hence, it is not easy to deal with abusing partner. If you do not want to break marital relations, then you start to work on how to save an abuse marriage. It is not easy one; you need a lot of patience and tolerance for that.

When you facing the tough decision as of how to save an abusive marriage, the first step you should take is to find out the reasons of abuse. You may consult with a psychiatric who can help you to understand the causes of misbehavior of your partner. If necessary, you can take your partner to the psychiatric to seek the treatment.

Self-assessment is one of the important solutions to the question how to save an abusive marriage. Try to find out your drawbacks and mistakes and try to overcome them. Know about the things that your partner does not like and avoid to do them. Go for outing with your partner to change his/her mood. Communication with your partner is an important factor to solve this problem. You should keep taking to your partner about his/her behavior and affectionately convince him/her to avoid it.

Make your partner to realize that you still love and need him/her. Once your partner understands your passion, he/she will try to develop improvements in his/her behavior and think not to hurt you by abusing. Carefully handle the problem regarding how to save an abusive marriage and bring your married life back to its comfortable state.

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