Tips On How To Win Back Lost Love

June 25, 2009 | Leave a Comment

To win back lost love is not at all natural for everyone and it’s no wonder because it’s not something most of us have any real understanding of how to successfully do. However, if you want to get back with someone who you’re still in love with, then it is something you’re going to have to understand and implement.

Once your ex has left the relationship and you know you want them back, it’s time to start sorting out your head in order to get them back. No doubt there has been drama and emotional turmoil in the run up to the breakup and during the actual breakup. If you’re going to win back lost love you’re going to need to sort yourself out and do so on your own.

It is vital that you do not involve your ex as you attempt to clear your mind, because you need space and distance from your ex and they from you. So, if you are still in any form of contact with your ex then break off that contact now. Contact will only make you vulnerable. If you’re vulnerable then you become someone whose ability to make rational and calm decisions becomes impaired. Get out from under your ex and stand on your own two feet until you can honestly say that you are through the worst of the initial breakup.

Equally, do your best to avoid spending too much time on your own. Because as much as you need to be away from your ex, you also need to have people around you. Spending too much time on your own brings a real risk of you becoming depressed and low. You might also find that if you’re on your own too much, then you can struggle with the temptation to call or try to see your ex. So find your friends. If you need to make new friends, then do so. Do anything to avoid being home alone night after night.

To win back lost love make sure that you are clear about the mistakes that were made in the relationship by you. Yes your ex no doubt made their fair share of mistakes, but for now your concern is your own behavior since that is the only thing you can realistically control and affect.

Come to terms with your weaknesses and make sure that if you need to do some work on yourself that you put in place the right mechanisms to do so. That may involve discussing your situation with a professional or it might mean changing the way that you cope with certain situations.

Whatever you need to do to win back lost love, if you are serious, then you need to get on and do it before it’s too late.

Tips to Save A Marriage

June 23, 2009 | Leave a Comment

If your married life is in trouble, you should be able to understand the exact problem and then control the situation. Taking any harsh decision might be embarrassing for the personal and social status of the couple.

It doesn’t matter whether you are man or woman, whether you look after the kids or pay the bills, you should take initiative to resolve the problems in married life and maintain the relationships. This article provides information about some tips to save marriage and to maintain a healthy relationship.

If your marriage is in danger, try not to show your partner the tension or desperation you’re feeling. It will make him/her feel suffocated and your spouse will push you away. Always try to control your emotions and keep calm.

One thing to remember is that never beg for the return of your partner. Just show the depth of your passion that will make him/her to come back. One of the important tips to save marriage is to give the space to your partner. A little space may make the things much easier to deal with. Give time to do those things which make you feel good and strong about you. Spend some time with your friends and family. Do such things that increase your self-esteem.

Work to find out an area where both the partners can agree and be happy with the decisions. Always remember that the goal of a marriage is to help and support each other through sadness and happiness. Love is an important bridge in a married life that may keep the couple attached together. Show your passion to your partner in a new way everyday. Use romantic competition and games to get closer or you may send a romantic message to your partner.

One of the significant tips to save marriage is that you should understand each other very well. Then only, you will able to solve the problems in your married life without giving rise to conflicts. Your partner should be the first priority for you and you should know about the hobbies and interests of your partner. You can write a romantic poem or prepare a romantic meal or give a romantic gift to your partner.

Avoid continuously complaining about the small issues and try to ignore the unimportant things. If there is any serious issue that you are unsatisfied about, talk about it clearly. Have open discussions about it with your partner. Get ready for facing the challenges.

Jealousy may lead many couples to the divorce court. Hence, don’t ever be jealous about the professional and personal progress of your partner. Be honest to your partner and always have a strong belief in him/her.

If your partner is aggressive, you should be calm and keep your emotions in control. Be reasonable, rational and calm. Whenever you lose your temper during the arguments, you generally tend to say and do the things that you actually didn’t mean.

If your marriage is going bad, these tips to save marriage might be useful to bring it back to its previous loving partnership.

You’re Not Meeting My Needs

June 19, 2009 | Leave a Comment

“Sandra wants to end our marriage,” Ted told me in our phone session. “She says that I am not meeting her needs.”

I often hear this in my counseling practice.

How did we get the idea that marriage is about the other person meeting our needs, or about our meeting the other person’s needs? How did we get so far away from personal responsibility for meeting our own needs that we expect others to do it for us? What are these “needs” that Ted was not meeting for Sandra?

“She said that I don’t make her feel good enough about herself, and that I don’t make her feel secure. She tells me that it’s my fault that she doesn’t feel special. She is not happy and blames me for her unhappiness. She’s angry that we don’t have sex very often, and that I’m not often affectionate. I agree that I’m not turned on to her and I don’t feel affection toward her, but I find it hard to feel that way toward her when she is so often angry at me and blaming me. But she believes that the problems are all my fault, and maybe they are.”

“Ted, the problem is that neither of you are taking responsibility for your own feelings. Sandra is making you responsible for her unhappiness, and you think you are responsible for her feelings rather than for your own. If you were to focus on meeting your needs to feel happy, peaceful, and secure, and Sandra were to take responsibility for learning how to make herself feel good about herself, then both of you could begin to meet each other’s need for emotional intimacy and connection. Affection and sexuality would come out of your emotional intimacy, rather than something you have to do to prove to Sandra that you love her.”

“But what if Sandra doesn’t want to take this responsibility for herself? What if she just wants to find someone else to meet her needs?”

“How often has Sandra threatened to leave the marriage?”

“Oh, at least every 6 months.”

“So the chances are it is a manipulation to get you to do what she wants you to do. Instead of giving yourself up to manipulate her, why not start to do your own Inner Bonding work and learn how to take responsibility for your own feelings of adequacy and worth? Since giving yourself up or withdrawing and resisting her control - which is what you have been doing - isn’t working, what do you have to lose by learning how to take responsibility for yourself? You never know - you might feel much more loving toward her even if she doesn’t change if you learn to take loving care of yourself! I know that you believe that your lack of affectionate and sexual feelings for her are because of her anger and blame, but it is really about you giving yourself up and withdrawing. You cannot feel turned on to her when you have given your power away to her and shut down. As you move into your personal power through your Inner Bonding practice, you will likely feel totally differently toward her, regardless of whether or not she changes.”

Ted was willing to do the work he needed to do to learn to stop taking responsibility for Sandra’s happiness and take responsibility for his own. As he stopped care taking Sandra and started to take care of himself, he began to feel much better toward her. He was surprised and delighted to feel warmth toward her that he hadn’t felt since first meeting her. It was challenging for him to let go of his caretaking addiction as his form of trying to have control over getting approval from Sandra, and it didn’t happen all at once. But over time, Ted could see great improvement in their relationship. He found it paradoxical that when he stopped trying to meet Sandra’s “needs,” things got much better!

About the Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

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