Love: Mother Nature’s Dirty Trick

February 5, 2010 | Leave a Comment

Dopamine. Adrenalin. Serotonin. When you’re falling in love, your brain produces these hormones by the gallon. This flood of hormones is why we’re “addicted” to our sweetheart, can’t think of anything else, and are blinded to his or her all-too-soon-painfully-obvious flaws. They make us want to have sex. That triggers other hormones, including the Oxytocin and Vasopressin that cause us to bond and form long-term relationships. So far, so good, right? Well, here’s the dirty trick: The hormones produced when we have sex interfere with the brain’s ability to produce the falling-in-love hormones. That’s why the lusty-can’t-get-enough-of-you, high-on-love feeling goes away.

What????? You mean we’re programmed to fall in love, have sex and bond, and our “reward” is that the blinders come off and we realize our Perfect 10 is more of a 6 or 7? ‘Fraid so. Turns out love isn’t as much an affair of the heart as it is Mother Nature’s way of ensuring that we fall in love, mate and reproduce to ensure the continuation of our species. Okay. But, since we’re hardwired to couple, wouldn’t you think Mother Nature would have been more generous in doling out relationship survival skills? Sorry. You’re on your own. That’s why when the falling-in-love stage ends, we think we got it wrong, and why so many divorces occur in the first three years of marriage.

Knowing all this may take some of the romance out of falling and being in love. But isn’t it reassuring to know that you’re not alone? And knowledge is power. Knowing that the falling-in-love stage is just that, a stage, helps you prepare for the being-in-love long haul. Here’s how:

Focus on the positive. Yep, you’re going to notice that your sweetie has faults. Guess what? Your sweetheart is noticing the same thing about you. You’re both wonderful. And you’re both flawed. Stay focused on the “wonderful.”

Remember that differences are just that, not matters of right and wrong. Being married isn’t hard work but being “right” is. You’re not always going to see eye-to-eye. That’s okay. It’s also hard work to remodel your partner, and it doesn’t work so don’t even try.

Remember that words hurt. Be careful what you say and how you say it. Words can cause mortal wounds. They can never be taken back.

Remember the power of nice. Make it a point to be kind to each other and to do things that say, “I love you.”

Remember that the little things count big time. Most marriages that fail suffer death by a thousand cuts that are not individually lethal but cumulatively sap the life out of once vibrant relationship. Little hurts will destroy a relationship as effectively as infidelity. It just takes longer. Likewise, little acts of kindness go a long way to keeping the marriage solid.

Bottom line: Every couple experiences the end of the falling-in-love high. It’s inevitable. That’s not the “real deal.” It’s Mother Nature up to her tricks. The “real deal” is the quiet but profound and enduring love that sustains you throughout the years. Work on nurturing that love and accept that the fireworks will and do end.

Author Bio: Shela Dean is a Relationship Happiness Coach, speaker, and Amazon bestselling author of Frequent Foreplay Miles - Your Ticket to Total Intimacy, available through Amazon.com and other booksellers. Her book and advice have helped many couples in their journey to improve intimacy and strengthen marital bonds.

Posted by Brahem | Filed Under Marriage Advice 

How To Make Him Or Her Fall In Love Again

February 3, 2010 | Leave a Comment

Things getting a little boring in your relationship? Feeling like every day is the same as the day before? How would you like to bring back the excitement and fun you felt when you first fell in love? Think it’s impossible? It’s not.

See, if you know why a person fell in love with you in the first place, you know how to make that person fall in love with you all over again, as many times as you want – even forever! The trick is figuring out why your mate fell in love with you from the start.

How do you do that? You ask. Bear in mind asking, “Why do you love me?” isn’t the best question to ask in this instance. If you don’t believe me, ask your mom why she loves your dad. She’ll likely say (like most people) “I don’t know exactly why I love him, I just do.”

But the truth is that people fall in love with someone because of how that someone makes them feel about themselves. So if you want to find out exactly what it was that started it all, way back when, ask your partner what it was you made them feel, about themselves, when they first began to fall in love with you.

Maybe you made him feel like he was the most sexy man on the planet, or you made her feel like she was intelligent and interesting. In any case, whatever you made them feel about themselves, it’s a sure indication feeling that way makes them very happy.

Knowing what makes your partner very happy, what makes him/her feel really good about themselves makes helping them to fall in love with you again a pretty simple operation.

How? Because once you know how you made your significant other feel about him/herself when your relationship first began, you’ll have the key to unlocking those feelings of falling in love again over and over in your lives, as many times as you want.

So go ahead and try it today. Ask your partner, “How did I make you feel, about yourself, when we were dating or when we first met?” Then, once you have the answer, do whatever you need to do to recreate that feeling.

Posted by Brahem | Filed Under Win Ex Back 

Coping With Relationship Breakup

February 2, 2010 | Leave a Comment

Breaking up a relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend is a very devastating experience whether you are the one who initiated it or the one being dumped. It is especially heart wrenching when both of you were once in love or are still in love.

The one being jilted will usually be crushed emotionally while the one who intitates the breakup will most probably be feeling very guilty about it as well unless that person is totally heartless and cruel. Whatever it is, here are some advice on how to cope, deal with and survive a relationship breakup.

First thing to do is to accept the fact that the relationship over. Like it or not, life goes on. I know it is easier said than done, but then again, most adults have been through relationship breakups before and they have gotten over it, so why can’t you?

You need to be brave and put it behind you once and for all. The most important thing is to accept it. Do not cling onto the hope that a miracle will happen and bring him or her back to you as if nothing has happened.

If you cling to these false expectations, things will be even more unbearable. When you accept the fact that the other person will not be there for you any more, life will get easier day by day as you will be allowing time to do the healing.

You are only a human being with delicate feelings. So allow yourself to grieve a little once you have accepted the loss. Cry out loud if you want to, talk with friends and relatives to let go of your suppressed feelings. You will feel better this way.

However, don’t keep looking for sympathy until your friends and relatives begin to see you as a nuisance and begin to avoid you. If that is happening, it means that you have not accepted the loss of the relationship.

Many broken hearted people turned to listening breakup songs, sad songs or breakup poems during this stage. You may indulge in some of these things for self consolation, but do not let this phase cling on too long because listening to breakup songs and reading break up poems will only bring your memory back to the relationship and will be harder for you to get over it.

Do have self respect. Never blame yourself for a break up, even if you have done something wrong that may have triggered the end of the relationship. There is no point in self-incrimination as it will not undo the breakup but instead will make you feel more guilty and depressed. Be kind to yourself and your feelings.

Why punish yourself or entertaining suicidal thoughts for something that cannot be undone? There is life after a breakup and chances are that the right and even better person is there out looking for you just at this very moment. So respect yourself so as to give yourself another chance to be happy.

When that is done, take a well deserved break. Take advantage and enjoy your sudden freedom. You need to replace the negative feelings in your heart with positive feelings. The best way to create positive happy feelings is to indulge in yourself.

Do something such as watching a funny movies which can make you laugh even though you may not be in the mood for it. Or else, sign up with your local health club for an exercise program or simply go for a well deserved vacation and let your hair down! Lavish in your new found freedom!

Then allow time for healing process. A common tragedy among many people is to throw themselves into new relationships almost immediately after breaking up thinking that a new relationship could help them to get over the previous one. This could be a bad mistake as raw emotions may almost always give you the wrong reasons to start new relationships resulting in further breakups.

Look for new relationships only when you can look back on the broken one without any heartache. Do not use it as a leverage against the person who broke up with you.

Forget about getting back at him or her. If you are the one being dumped, forget about taking revege and be spiteful! Your situation is sad but it happens all the time everywhere. Breakups are usually emotionally shattering because they are interpreted as rejection. However, you must understand that it is not rejection of you per se. It just simply means to say that “things will not workout together.”

There is nothing personal about that. Everybody is entitled to their opinion. When you hate or plot for revenge, you can never let go of the past and you never really moved along. Do you really want that to happen?

All being said, how do you want to get on with your life is how you want and decide to let go and start things afresh. Only you can make the choice and make your pain easier and eventually, be healed. Time is the best healer, so do understand that it takes time for you to stop feeling the hurt in your heart. But you will be healed, when you finally allow yourself to be healed by time and get over your breakup, the day will come.

I trust that you will find the above coping with breakup information useful and wishing you speedy recovery in your heart and soul.

Author Bio: Chris Chew is a fitness, health and relationship consultant. Read his free articles at Save Marriage Stop Divorce and How To Get Alpha Male Sex Appeal

Posted by Brahem | Filed Under Break Up 

« Previous Page