How To Survive A Break-up
January 29, 2009 | Leave a Comment
After being with the same person for many years and then breaking up, it is difficult to imagine your life without that person. You once did everything together, and now you are facing life as a single person again. Although the adjustment can be difficult at first, it is not the end of the world. It is important to remember that this is something that happens to nearly everyone at some point, and they have all survived it, so you can too. With time, you can heal your heart and move on. In the end, you will probably find yourself happier than you ever were.
The end of a relationship is like a death. As such, the stages of moving on that occur with a death occur with a break-up as well. You have to let yourself experience all these stages to truly heal. Each step is a normal part of the process and in the end you will be better off.
The first stage is denial and shock. At first, you may find yourself unable to believe that the relationship is over. You may be too shocked to process what happened in your mind. As reality sinks in, these feelings quickly transition into anger, the next part of the grief process. Anger is actually a sign of progress. You may feel mad at yourself or your former partner. This is an important part of processing your feelings and generally doesn’t last long.
The next stage is bargaining. This can include begging your former partner to give the relationship another chance, making promises, praying, and blaming yourself. The truth is a break-up occurs because the relationship is broken. Remember all the reasons that led to the break-up. The relationship could not be repaired and it is time to move on.
This leads to the next stage: depression. It is perfectly reasonable to feel depressed about the end of a relationship, but it is important not to linger in this phase for too long. Allow yourself some time to feel sad about things, but do not let it take over your life. You may find yourself unable to stop thinking about the break-up. If so, set aside time to think- for example, ten minutes per day. Each morning, sit down in a quiet place and allow yourself to think about the failed relationship. At the end of the ten minutes, get up and walk away and do something else. For the rest of the day, every time thoughts of the relationship enter your mind, do not allow yourself to think about it and tell yourself you will deal with those feelings during your next ten minutes tomorrow morning. Try to go through your day thinking about it as little as possible.
Remember there is more to your life than this relationship. Think of all the shortcomings your partner had. Remind yourself of the bad times and soon you will feel better about being away from this person. During this stage, it is best not to visit places you went frequently with your former partner. Put away photos and other reminders of your ex. Focus on other things- improving your career, spending time with your family. Now is your chance to do activities you enjoy that your former partner did not. Many people find it helpful to spend extra time with their friends. Your friends help you remember who you are and who you were before the relationship. Going out with friends is a great way to keep your mind off of what happened and to meet new people as well.
Another great way to get through this time is to exercise. Exercising is a well-known way to relieve stress and also releases positive endorphins that make you feel good naturally. This will also help build your self-esteem, which may have taken quite a hit during the break-up. Further, if you exercise in a gym you may expand your social circle. It is important not to spend too much time alone during the depression stage.
Eventually you will reach the acceptance stage. You will see how your life can go on without this person. As you focus on making your life great without someone else, you will then be better equipped to make your life great with someone else. In the process of spending time with family and friends, exploring hobbies, and exercising, you may even meet a great future partner and then you will have a properly healed heart so that you can make your next relationship even better.
Author Bio: http://www.olivegardenhouses.com/rhodes.html
What Can I Do To Get My Ex Boyfriend Back?
January 27, 2009 | Leave a Comment
Are you feeling like everything you do pushes your ex away further? Is this describing your situation to a tee? Are you asking “What can I do to get my ex boyfriend back” at every turn? Here are some tips that will greatly improve your chances of getting back together with your ex boyfriend.
Obviously right now you are serious about saving or rekindling your relationship, which is what led you to this article in the first place. But if you are feeling overly anxious to get your ex back, you may be behaving in the wrong way, causing your ex to pull away naturally. It is human nature in general to resist this kind of pressure. Struggling against human nature is completely pointless, and it will only make matters worse.
Are you calling your ex too much, constantly writing him e-mails or text messaging him? Are you trying to make him feel sorry for you? If you are doing these things, stop! If you are asking yourself ” What can I do to get my ex boyfriend back”, then you need to stop doing these things right now.
So what can I do to get my ex boyfriend back? Follow this strategy instead.
You are going to need to take a completely fresh approach. Begin by breaking contact off for a while, doing your own thing. During this time where there is no communication between you and your ex boyfriend, you can focus on ways that you can improve your own personal life, rather than focusing on the relationship issues at hand. This is going to be a challenging time, and it is going to require discipline to prevent you from returning to your old ways.
During this time, your ex is going to experience a shift in how he feels about you, since you will no longer be pursuing him. You may become mysterious to him in some ways, because he is not sure what you are doing or feeling. This is actually something that can work in your favor. Now your ex is in a position to actually miss you, which is not possible when you are smothering him.
You must remember that the key to this strategy and repairing a break up is to work with human nature rather than attempting to work against it. If you are wondering ” What can I do to get my ex boyfriend back”, now you should have a fairly basic understanding on how common mistakes can be avoided. Once you implement this basic strategy you can restore a balance and allow your ex to remember why he loved you in the first place.
Just keep yourself grounded and avoid smothering him. Make yourself appear mysterious and he will be reminded why he loved you in the first place. Play hard to get (don’t over do it) and let him make the first move, and you will come out on top. And then you will stop asking “What can I do to get my ex boyfriend back”.
If you had a break-up with your boyfriend and now want really him back… Check out the non-conventional but highly effective guide at: The Magic of Making Up.
How to Get Over a Breakup – Expert Advice For Men
January 9, 2009 | Leave a Comment
If it was your decision to break up, you will probably be attacked by feelings of doubt and maybe cruelty against your ex, (especially if you still have feelings for her), or, if you are the victim, you may feel you have been wronged and feel the universe has ended.
The reality however, given that there is no going back, is that you must learn how deal with it.
Playing the blame game
You will almost certainly feel the need to dissect the past, to try and understand what went wrong, why it went wrong and whose fault it was. The sad truth is that it doesn’t really matter from the point of view that what is done, is done. There is seldom chance to go back and change things.
However, a postmortem does have some benefits. It affords you the opportunity of discovering exactly what did go wrong, and, if the blame lies with you, and in truth some of it must, it gives you the ability to recognize any faults in your own make-up, and how to change and deal with them going forward, so that you don’t carry the same mistakes, or ignore the same warning signs, in your next relationship.
Get Over it
There must of course be a period of reflection. This gives you the opportunity to understand, and to get to know yourself more completely. However, don’t drag it out, the sooner you can get over it, the better. Sadly there is nothing less alluring than a friend who is wallowing in self pity and doubt.
Try to avoid falling into the trap of dwelling on the good things about the relationship, romanticizing them. This only seeks to obscure the real reasons behind the break-up and will delay the “healing” process.
Physician- Heal Thyself
Only one person can make it right again…..YOU. You are the one who has to live with yourself, and you are the one who will form a new relationship when the time is right. You are the only one who knows why you did what you did, or why or how you contributed to the break-up, so it stands to reason only you can understand and learn.
A Friend in need is a friend indeed
Remember, you still have your friends. A trouble shared is a trouble halved.
It is always good to talk things over with friends, to get an outside perspective on things and to share experiences. Just don’t overdo it. Don’t become the sad little man who could talk of nothing else. Use friendships wisely.
Be a busy bee
The truth of the matter is that is only natural to dwell on things. But in order to avoid becoming unhappy and morose, keep busy. Try and find things to do that will take you mind off your worries, if only for a while. Diversion helps.
Keeping a stiff upper lip
It is really important to keep your dignity, your self esteem. It is all too easy, (especially if your ex has cheated on you), to lose you self-confidence. Be positive. Know that there is nothing wrong with you, that you are still the same person she fell for and that it is her who wanted to try the greener grass. It’s he loss.
Avoid the rebound
It’s very natural to want to hurt your ex, or to simply to seek company and companionship elsewhere. Stop and think. Firstly you won’t be hurting your ex if is she has already decided to end things. It will simply toughen her resolve. Secondly, you are vulnerable, and it is all too easy to start a new relationship for the wrong reasons, a relationship that is ultimately doomed to failure when you recover your composure and find out that you have nothing in common other than a shoulder to cry on. This will lead to hurt to yourself, or to your new partner, when the relationship breaks-up. The very thing you were trying to get over initially.
Put on a brave new face
Breaking-up is tough. The aftermath is tougher still. The doubts, the recriminations, the anger. But, remember, time heals all wounds, so, go out, get busy, indulge your self in your hobbies, reacquaint yourself with your friends, There’s a whole wide world out there waiting for you, and Ms right may be just around the corner.
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