Breakup Quiz : 20 Questions to Ask Yourself
November 28, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Being alone after a break up is a challenge, especially at holiday time. Divorce or separation after a long relationship is the number two top life stressor following right behind being widowed. A severe loss can plunge you into depression and health problems. So do not let yourself go for several months without taking steps to recover. A UCLA study showed that being rejected activates one of the same areas of the brain as physical pain! The more ignored the people felt, the more activity they had in the anterior cingulate, which also registers physical distress. In other words, your pain is physiological. But research has also shown how you can recover from loss more quickly. Here are five tips that have helped many people turn this painful time into a whole new rebirth for themselves!
Tip 1. Spend Time with Close Friends
The same UCLA researchers found that spending time and sharing with close friends and offset the pain by causing the brain to release natural opioids, which are like the painkillers found in opium.
Tip 2. Use Anger As Fuel To Better Yourself
If you are feeling angry, channel it into kick boxing, lifting weights or cardio. Exercise lifts your mood and youths your body. You will de-stress, find more peace and sleep better! Give yourself a makeover. Initially thinking about how sorry your ex will be when he or she sees how fantastic you have become can be fuel for your rebirth. Make yourself more attractive and better inside and out.
Tip 3. Have A ‘New You’ Party
Invite your friends to come over for a ‘New You’ party where they help give you a makeover. Let them go through your clothes and accessories, getting rid of unflattering stuff and putting together some hot looks for the new you. Ask them for referrals to great hair salons or clothing shops. Find a look that makes you feel great. You can also have a big reveal party for yourself.
Tip 4. Get Out There and Date Off- & Online
Start as soon as possible, even if you don’t feel like it. The sooner you do, the sooner you’ll move on. At this moment your chances of meeting the love of your life could be better than ever! The average marriage now lasts under seven years and this means new singles are coming on the scene all the time. Around sixteen million people are now using online dating. You don’t need to worry about getting into a rebound relationship: new research shows that people marrying on the rebound are no more likely to fail than those who wait. Not to worry if you are older: The American Association of Retired Persons found in a recent survey that 70 percent of single baby boomers are actively dating.
Tip 5. Meditation and Relaxation
Johns Hopkins researchers recommend practicing relaxation techniques to get rid of heartache. These include meditation, deep breathing or journaling out your feelings. Practice any or all of these techniques and you will bounce back from loss more rapidly.
You can learn much more about the latest research on and techniques for recovering from heartache in my new book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love .
Author Bio: Psychologist, Dr. Diana Kirschner, appeared on Oprah and is a frequent guest on the Today Show. For 25+ years she has helped thousands of single women find love. Her acclaimed new book is Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love. For her etips, blog, dating articles, daily affirmations & discussion forum visit http://www.lovein90days.com
How to Prevent a Break Up
November 27, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Being stuck in a loveless relationship is just as bad as dealing with a sudden breakup. Are both of you stubborn and unable to give or compromise? These are some tips to save a relationship that you fear is headed for a break-up.
#1 Do not indulge in assigning blame.
It’s easy to blame our partner when a relationship gets into trouble. He no longer listens to what I have to say. She is an ice maiden. Why doesn’t he just do something that would make me happy? If she would stop bugging me all the time, I would be more likely to do nice things for her. Blaming your partner puts them on the defense, and will not make things better for your relationship. Stop focusing on what your partner lacks, and put the focus on who they are.
#2 Avoid being needy and clingy.
If you always want your partner to do everything with you, it’s not healthy. Neediness is one of the top reasons that couples break up. It is important for you to understand that it is normal for partners to spend some needed time away from each other, and they should not have to participate in trivial things with you that they do not enjoy. When you find that you are forever craving to be with your partner, it is time for you to start developing some other areas of interest, a pastime, to be able to spend time away from your partner.
#3 Are you talking and listening to each other?
A healthy relationship is one in which partners are able to communicate. You need to give your partner the same kindness and respect that you give to friends and colleagues. Why would you talk to your loved one that way if you wouldn’t speak to your friends or colleagues like that?
#4 Stop indulging false beliefs.
Do you obsess about where your partner is, what he is thinking about, and what company he is with? If your partner isn’t attending to your every desire, do you suspect that they no longer care about you? If you stop believing those false thoughts, you’ll stop having a negative view of reality.
#5 Do you hear, really hear what they are saying?
Do you heed your partner’s preferences? Do you give as much importance to their part of the story, for fairness? There are occasions when we turn a blind eye to reason in our determination to be the one who is right. If you happen to get involved in another conflict, try to listen genuinely to what the other person has to say, and talk at a normal volume. It is possible that you may have overlooked some vital point and, of course, you could be wrong too.
It may be that some relationships require a lot more than the above tips in order to experience any notable difference. If this sounds like your relationship, it is apparent that your relationship has weathered a long spell of suffering and both partners need to spend time away from each other. Take this time to get a better picture and think about what you really want.
Author Bio: Katie W. is the host and writer of True Love Returns where she maintains her breakthrough How to Get Your Love Back e-course. You can find out more about how to save your relationship by visiting True Love Returns For a limited time only claim your copy of “Win Back Your Lost Love” e-book absolutely free at True Love Returns
How to Prevent Your Break up Before Its Too Late
October 30, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Even though some breakups can happen by surprise, it can hurt just as much or more when you are stuck in a relationship where there is no love. Are you each bullheaded, refusing to make concessions or compromise on issues? If your relationship is in trouble and you are fearing the inevitable, here are some suggestions that may help you to save it.
#1. Try to refrain from casting the blame on your partner.
We don’t often accept the blame ourselves when a relationship turns sour. He does not pay attention to what I say anymore. She is not very warm or passionate. Why is it that he never does anything nice for me? If she would just quit pestering me, then I would do more for her. Saying it is the other person’s fault won’t contribute to making everything better, it only makes everyone defensive. Begin by accepting your partner for the person they are instead of who you want them to be.
#2. Try to stop being demanding.
Not being able to do things without your significant other nearby is unhealthy for your relationship. Dependency has led to a number of relationship failures. You need to understand that it is normal and necessary for you and your mate to take some time apart to do little things, like shopping. If you discover that you want to spend all of your time with your mate, take this as a sign that you should get a hobby that you can do by yourself.
#3. Do you speak with one another?
Communication is essential to a functional relationship. If your realize the only way you can have a conversation is when you argue, say something sarcastic, or make a nasty statement, it is time to stop this behavior; you are being demeaning and not showing respect. You wouldn’t speak to friends or associates like this, so why speak with your loved one in this manner?
#4. Don’t listen to anything that is not true.
Do you continuously imagine false situations about what your mate does or thinks? That little voice in your head tells you things like your mate has lost the desire for you since they didn’t stop what they were doing at a time when you needed attention. Ignore those mistaken beliefs because they are distorting reality for you.
#5. Are you a good listener?
Do you have any idea what your partner’s interests are? Do you hear their opinion when you argue and let them have a fair chance to explain their point of view? There are times when we just have to be right and we won’t listen to anything someone else says. When a problem presents itself, try to be calm and open-minded to your partner’s opinions and listen to them. Otherwise, you may miss hearing something important and, yes, sometimes you are wrong.
In some relationships, if you follow the previous suggestions it still may not be enough for the situation to change significantly. If this is the situation, then your relationship has endured enough and it is necessary for the two of you to spend some time away from each other. Use this time to clear your mind and make some decisions about what you want.
Author Bio: Katie W. is the host and writer of True Love Returns where she maintains her breakthrough How to Get Your Love Back e-course. You can find out more about how to save your relationship by visiting True Love Returns For a limited time only claim your copy of “Win Back Your Lost Love” e-book absolutely free at True Love Returns