The Secret Of A Happy Marriage
June 10, 2009 | Leave a Comment
When we marry we all intend to live happily ever after. Why then do so many marriages breakdown? I believe that one of the basic fundamental reasons is the lack of giving love freely to one another. When two people come together and unintentionally only expect to receive love, then ultimately there will be no giving or receiving of love for either. However, when two people come together and give their love, both people give and receive love in abundance.
The secret is you can only give what you possess. To have a good relationship with someone else you must first have a good relationship with yourself. To be capable of giving love to someone else you must truly love yourself. I don’t mean in a vain shallow way, I mean in a wonderful healthy way.
The following words written by Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D. are extremely profound:-
CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE.
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
So many of us have not been given the love we all deserve but it is never too late to learn. We can all learn to be more confident, build self-esteem and love and accept ourselves as we are. The first step to changing anything is to be aware of it. We must be honest about how we take care of ourselves. Try answering some of the following questions:-
Do you love yourself?
Do you know that you are special?
Do you speak kindly to yourself or do you beat yourself up for the mistakes you make?
Do you feel confident?
Are you calm and peaceful in most situations?
Do you like yourself and are you proud of your beliefs?
Are you happy with the way you look?
Meditation helps us feel better about ourselves. It creates inner peace and builds confidence. Meditation gets rid of stress, anxiety, frustration, and anger. It helps us to be more able to be grateful and appreciate others, become more tolerant and harmonious, have a better outlook on life, and have the benefit of more satisfying relationships. Mediation can only improve the life you are living; providing both physical and emotional benefits that will change your life in a positive way allowing you to enjoy wonderful relationships.
About the Author: Marilyn Ann Barker-Smith is the co-founder of Project Meditation. The inner peace gained from meditation can be amazing, which is why we offer a free meditation course.
Never Get Married Because You’re In Love
May 28, 2009 | Leave a Comment
I’ll repeat that. Never get married because you’re in love.
Sounds crazy?
It’s not.
Let me tell you why.
Ever been to a single’s bar? Mosey on over to the one nearest you and watch what happens. When a man approaches a woman in a singles’ bar – or a woman approaches a man – they each know exactly one thing about the other: how they look. She’s attracted to him, he’s attracted to her. And that physical chemistry forms the basis of whatever relationship may or may not develop. Now, they may think they’re in love. But in fact, they are simply infatuated with each other.
Here’s one to remember: Chemistry ignites the fire, but character keeps it burning. Chemistry – physical attraction – is not something to be ignored. But a deeply loving relationship based on mutual respect cannot stand on chemistry alone. That can only happen with someone whose character you can value and appreciate.
The best way (actually, the only way) to have a lasting relationship is to really look at the quality of the person you’re dating. That means being on the lookout for specific character traits, both positive and negative. The top four qualities to look for are humility, kindness, responsibility and happiness.
Humility. What is humility? Well, it is not being a doormat. Letting people walk all over you is not necessarily a sign of humility. It’s a sign of weakness.
Humble people are not weak. Humble people want to do the right thing rather than their thing, and that takes a lot of confidence and inner strength.
Someone who is humble will put values above convenience.
They can accept criticism without being defensive, because they’re committed to personal growth rather than to comfort.
A humble person will not get angry easily, because they don’t feel that anybody owes them anything. That’s the reason they also tend not to be materialistic.
Now, you may think that the above description applies only to angels. And it would be a mistake to narrow your search down to someone who has mastered all of the above qualities that go along with humility. Nobody’s perfect. But you should look for someone who values humility and is striving to achieve it. At the very least, ask yourself if the person you’re dating is arrogant. You definitely do not want to marry an arrogant person who feels that people owe him or her the world.
Kindness. Kindness is more than just being a nice person. If you ask most engaged couples if their intended spouse is kind, they’ll probably say yes. But the divorce rate is over 50%. If everybody is so kind, then why is the divorce rate so high? Because although people think that they’re kind, they really lack a depth of kindness.
So, what’s kindness? Being a kind person means being a giver, someone who’s committed to giving pleasure and minimizing other people’s pain. If two people like this get married, they are much less likely to suffer serious problems in their relationship. That’s because each one is dedicated to the other’s well-being.
How do you know if someone is truly a kind person? Look at how they treat the other people in their lives. How do they treat their parents, siblings and grandparents? Do they feel a sense of gratitude to their parents? If not, what makes you think they’ll feel any sort of gratitude towards you after you’re married?
Watch how they treat the “little people” towards whom they have no obligations – waiters, busboys, doormen, secretaries. How do they treat their employees? What’s their business reputation like? Are they ruthless?
Does the person you’re dating do volunteer work? If not, do they give charity? If the answer to both questions is no, that isn’t a good sign.
Do they drive courteously? What happens when they drink, when they lose control a little bit? How do they act?
Take note of the answers to these questions. Write them down so that you’ll have a whole picture in front of you when you need to make a decision about whether or not to continue a relationship.
Responsibility. First thing, ask yourself: Is this person irresponsible? If the answer is yes, be careful. You do not want to marry an irresponsible person. If your first, off the cuff answer is no, then check them out.
Do they have a stable work history? Do they have stable friendships? Do they have long-term friendships, or do they need to move around a lot?
Ask yourself: Can you rely on this person? Do you feel safe and secure with them? Another good question is to ask yourself is if you can trust what the other person says. Do they stand behind what they say? Do they live up to their commitments?
Happiness. You might be stumped on that one. Since when is happiness a character trait?
That all depends on how you define happiness. A happy person is someone who is basically content, who focuses on what they have, not on what they don’t have.
Life has no guarantees. Anyone can be dealt a hard blow. But a person who is internally happy will be able to get past life’s obstacles, whereas someone who is constantly focused on the negative will have a much harder time. And you want to be married to someone who can smile at life.
So remember: Never get married just because you’re in love – focus on character, not on chemistry. Look for a quality person to share your life with, someone humble, kind, responsible and happy.
You deserve no less!
About the author: David LeVine – Your search is ending! Now there is no excuse to put off meeting – and winning – your own soul mate. No more miserable dates. http://www.warmwisdompress.com/dating/
8 Unhappy Marriage Signs: How to Know When Your Marriage is on the Rocks?
May 16, 2009 | Leave a Comment
Most love marriages start off with great feelings of happiness just like a fairy tale romance, but soon degenerate into something cold and boring, a kind of habit that both partners fall into and soon the marriage starts showing those inevitable unhappy marriage signs that all married couples dread. So what are these signs and how can you notice them and stop them from repairing your marriage until it’s too late?
Sign # 1
Both spouses have taken recourse to vulgar cursing and calling each other names and hurling the choicest of expletives and abuses at each other. Well, this might make you feel at peace with yourself for you have given vent to your anger, but has it helped your marriage in any way? It only leads to damaging behavior of further varieties such as depression, low self esteem, unhappiness, anger etc.
Sign # 2
Another unhappy marriage sign is when dinner times, which are supposed to be family get together times, become relegated to catching supper before the television or grabbing a bite on the run. In this way, it becomes impossible to stay connected to each other.
Sign # 3
Both husband and wife are attending the same social event, but are arriving and leaving separately and independently. Well, this will sure provide fodder to the gossip mills and make the grape vines buzz overtime.
Sign # 4
Other unhappy marriage signs that can spell doom are when either partners or one spouse feels that his/her responsibilities or work is more important than that of the partner’s. What you don’t realize is that it will leave your husband/wife feeling uncared for and unappreciated.
Sign # 5
When you stop listening to your mate, it signifies that something is wrong in your marriage. What you don’t realize is that by keeping yourself busy with yourself and with your job or activity, you are neglecting your partner, hurting his/her feelings and emotions and giving rise to depression, frustration and coldness. Your spouse will start to suffer from a deep lack in his/her life.
Sign # 6
A loveless marriage that has no fire in it is another sign that your marriage is not healty. In such dead marriages, the sexual spark fizzles out prematurely; the couple no longer feels the desire to get intimate between the sheets and drifts apart from each other.
Sign # 7
Whereas once you used to kiss with a lot of passion and intensity and fire, nowadays you just give each other quick pecks on the cheek. This is surely a sign of a dissipating passion.
Sign # 8
When the lines of communication break down and the events and incidents of the day are not shared it forebodes something bad. The emotional intimacy will degenerate into coldness.
Some more unhappy marriage signs that are seen frequently are an unusual silence between the two partners when they have stopped sharing their thoughts and feelings with each other and stopped getting touchy feely or passionate or flushed with desire.
Author Bio: Meredith Glee runs the site Save your marriage where you can download a free marriage report and join her newsletter and receive important marriage advice. You can also read more articles on how to have a happy marriage