Marriage and Partnership - The Power of Two

January 25, 2010 | Leave a Comment

The exponential power of two. It’s one of the great things about being in a committed relationship. When there’s dry cleaning to pick up, groceries to buy, a dog to walk, a UPS truck that’s expected, a lawn that needs mowing, a kid with a tummy ache, windows to wash, and dinner to prepare, having someone share the load makes life a lot easier.

Ditto when you hit the rough spots. Double ditto when you face challenges. Cranky and downright unpleasant. We’ve all been there. Down in the dumps just ‘cuz, or angry over the promotion that went to the bozo instead of you, faced with a scary medical procedure, disappointed by a friend, unhappy on the job, worried about a failing parent, or at wit’s end over your mouthy teenager’s attitude. Scared, nervous, insecure. We’ve all been there, too. Times when we need to accomplish something extra, push ourselves further, and stretch beyond where we think possible. Life. It’s not always smooth sailing. How much easier it is, however, to navigate turbulent times when there’s somebody on your side who believes in you, gently nudges you forward, cheers you on, and has button-busting pride in your accomplishments.

There was a time in my life when I had a difficult decision to make, when I had to either “fish or cut bait,” and “fishing” meant committing $10,000 of hard-earned dollars. I was terrified to take that step. I was terrified not to. I was paralyzed. My husband Dale said to me, “My arm is around your shoulder, my hand is at your back, and I walk by your side. You know what you need to do. Now, my love, go do it.” I took that step, made that commitment, and it led to the publication of my first book. I have never felt more supported or more loved than I did at that moment. And, believe me, a guy like that can get away with imperfections I’ll happily overlook. Being supportive is the loving thing to do. It’s also in your best interest. You’ll rack up more points (or what Dale and I call Frequent Foreplay Miles) than you can ever use. Don’t you just love a win-win?

Is there a time in your relationship when your sweetheart made a difference in your life? If so, then remember this: When your sweetheart is cranky and irritable, or scared and insecure, or for whatever reason is less than the cheerful, high-on-life love bug you’ve come to know, you’ve got an opportunity to return the favor. Take a deep breath, avoid knee jerk (emphasis on jerk) reactions, and be a supportive partner whether the situation is monumental or nothing more than irritation at having gotten a speeding ticket. Being a supportive partner sometimes means sitting silently while your sweetheart vents. Sometimes it means encouragement to offset insecurity. Sometimes it means being brave even when you, too, are afraid. And sometimes it just means loving your partner through his or her indulgently bad behavior.

In the movie, Rocky said to Adrian, “I got gaps. You got gaps. We fill each others gaps.” The power of two. Wow.

Author Bio: Shela Dean is a Relationship Happiness Coach, speaker, and author of Frequent Foreplay Miles - Your Ticket to Total Intimacy. Her book and advice have helped many couples in their journey towards improving intimacy and strengthening marital bonds.

I Want Him To Love Me Again

January 13, 2010 | Leave a Comment

“I want him to love me again” is expressed by many women all over the world, in different languages, environments and situations. Some married women find themselves saying those exact words to close friends or family members when they’re not feeling the intimacy that was once an everyday part of their marriage.

Some women have been on the bad end of a breakup or divorce and desire nothing more than the return of their man and his love. And some women were the instigators of the broken relationship, citing the loss of love as a reason or possibly rethinking their decision and hoping to return to the way things were. Whatever the situation, the sentiment is heartfelt but the solutions not always easy or clear cut.

If you’re trying to win back your guy’s love, one thing you need to understand is what men look for in a relationship and whether or not this was missing in yours. So, what are the things that men need? Above all, men crave admiration. So you need to let him know that he’s wanted and admired.

While it may be obvious for you, it probably won’t be as much so or enough to him, so when in doubt, go overboard with flirtation and affection. Did you get comfortable in the relationship and tend to dress casually most of the time and forget about make-up and sexy clothes? Or even worse, did you dress up for work but stay in sweats and tennis shoes at home?

Did your boyfriend or husband leave you for another woman? Most women mistakenly think their man has found a better looking women. That’s not usually the case. In fact, when and if you end up meeting the “other” women who happens to be pretty normal looking, the typical reaction is to think. . .”what does he see in her”?  It’s most likely not just what he sees in her but what he feels in her. She makes him feel respected, admired and wanted again.

Are you still in your relationship and constantly being accused of being a nag by your partner? This isn’t anything new, right? You’ll often hear men complain about being “nagged to death.”

What they’re really saying is that they want their wife or girlfriend to be satisfied with who he is and what good qualities he has to offer. Realize that the nagging isn’t the real problem – it’s the fact that you are conveying that you’re unsatisfied with who he is and what he has to offer. That’s what really gets to a man and drives him out of a relationship.

Don’t take this to mean that you have to be lovey-dovey all the time and can never express your true feelings, anger or sadness. But when you are proud of your man, make sure he knows it! Don’t just show the negative feelings that come up and take the love and admiration for granted. Keeping this in mind will keep the fire of his love alive.

This information should help you if you’re in the mindset of “I want him to love me again.”

How to Save Marriage When Things Seem Bad

January 11, 2010 | Leave a Comment

You have been fighting and arguing for months and you are wondering how to save marriage? A great deal depends on the communication methods of you and your spouse. Other considerations include the basic cause of the arguments you have been having over the last few months. Are the arguments knock down drag out? Or do you have healthy discussions without anger and raised voices? Do you both listen carefully to what each other person has to say and then try to address each point in the discussion?

Marriage is a wonderful institution that no one seems to get any training for before they enter into it. You meet someone and fall in love and progress through the courtship and find that you want to spend the rest of your life with that special person and decide to get married. Some religions require you go through a brief marriage class before being allowed to be married in their church. These classes are designed more to acquaint you with the particulars of that church’s doctrine versus what marriage will really be all about. There are even classes on child birthing, but why are there not classes regarding what will happen during a marriage and if things start to go wrong how to save a marriage?

Experts always say that having many things in common is an excellent way to a healthy marriage, but the biggest thing to have in common is an understanding of communication styles so that you are not alienating your spouse without even meaning to. Men and women have different communication styles and need to understand what a particular communication is supposed to mean. Women have a tendency to want to vent without their spouse offering an instant solution. The process of talking through what is going on is usually enough, but if a woman thinks her spouse is patronizing or not listening then frustration can build up. Understanding communication styles is a way to keep a marriage alive.

Other experts say that to avoid poisonous building up of anger and frustration you should never go to sleep angry. Both parties should always try to avoid raised voices and accusations and try to see the other point of view. This by no means should excuse either party if they have done something seriously wrong, but neither party should let things build up until there is an explosion and both parties say things that they should not. It is human nature to try to hurt the person that you feel has hurt you, but the situation needs to be looked at objectively and both people need to address the situation in a positive manner.

Keeping secrets is a sure way to have conflict and strife so to avoid arguments and thoughts of divorce or separation you should not keep secrets from each other. The best way to save marriage is to not get to the point where one or the other wants to get out of the marriage.

Author Bio: Doug has been writing articles for nearly 4 years. Come visit his latest website over at http://racingrunningshoes.com which helps people find the Brooks Beast running shoes they are looking for.

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