Changes Brought About by Marriage
Why she will change and he won’t after the marriage?
Ask a guy who’s been married about his wife telling him she never wants him to change, she just loves him as he is and then ask what happened with that after getting married.
Try it as your own social experiment because you’re going to be surprised by the results.
Think about the number of divorces that cite not adultery as the reason but “irreconcilable differences” or “an irretrievable breakdown” as the grounds for getting the court order to issue the decree absolute and let a couple get on with their lives …separately.
When a couple is contemplating marriage they are not thinking the same things or looking to get the same out of the arrangement.
She is thinking this is a man who will work and provide a home, a man I can have have children with and more to the point a man who she can have children with AND who will then continue to look after her and the children come what may. It’s a powerful set of mothering instincts that are working here, honed by thousands of years of social habit and evolution so don’t blame women for viewing marriage in this way.
He’s thinking in more blunt terms – sex on a more regular basis, claiming a tax deduction as a married man, getting his laundry done, having home cooked food and so on. It doesn’t impact on his mindset that actually what he is doing is entering into this contract in which she may or may not agree to do these things for him but he darn’ well better get it straight that he’s expected to deliver for her!
The standards that are being set are hers not his but at the point of sale she isn’t telling him that or certainly he isn’t listening!
What you have is a serious miscommunication or a bad case of misspelling – take your pick.
She has serious expectations not only for now but for the future and that means making sure she and the family are stable and secure not only today but ad infinitum. This places increasing demands on the husband to deliver the goods but his mindset is thinking about how great it would be to earn enough to pay the bills but keep his life the same as it was with a few extra benefits added such as sex and laundry.
This is a recipe for disharmony and friction; irrespective of your sex, if you purchased something that after a while no longer lives up to your expectations what do you do?
Carry on with it in a half-hearted abut disappointed fashion or trade it in for something that will get the job you see as needing to get done?
Of Course you get something else in that will do the job you need done in a way you’re happy with!
Don’t blame women for feeling the same way and especially when they have the kids playing a major role in this kind of thinking, but, as a man or woman contemplating marriage you need to open your eyes to the reality behind the passion and declarations of devotion. She will be looking for improvement and constant increases in the levels of security and comfort he is expected to provide, whereas he is thinking sex will be on tap and he never has to worry about putting in too much starch when he washes his underwear.
About the Author: Lawrence Reaves. Find out more tongue-in-cheek tips on celebrity jewelry, dating, getting engaged and marriage by visiting MyBigFatEngagement.com and CelebrityIcing.com.
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