Suspect an Extra Marital Affair?
March 9, 2009 | Leave a Comment
Many wives and husbands know all-too-well that sick feeling that they get in the pit of their stomach when they think that their partner may be having an extramarital affair — you are no different. You have that nagging suspicion that your spouse may be cheating on you, but how can you prove it without alerting your spouse to your suspicions?
That is what we will share with you today — how to catch a cheating spouse.
Nowadays, the internet is the starting point of extramarital affairs in many cases. “Married but looking” chat rooms and dating sites are abundant, and not just for men looking for a relationship outside of their marital vows — plenty of women frequent these forums, dating websites, and chat rooms themselves. And, not only are there “married but looking” types of services available today — escort websites and escort forums are unfortunate, but popular, locations for spouses who are considering having an extramarital affair as well.
Because the internet plays such a significant role in assisting an unfaithful husband or wife, there are services designed to track, and catch, extramarital infidelity through these online services. Using general information, sometimes information as innocuous as an email address, these online fidelity investigation services can find, track, and even trap a cheating spouse.
what these investigators do a take a suspected cheaters email address and locate all of the online dating web site memberships associated with that email. They can even locate memberships on escort service web sites, porn sites, cam sites and swinger site.
The next stage of the investigation can include contacting the cheating partner and using a decoy ad and obtain evidence of actual infidelity. This information cxan them be put together into a report that can be submitted into evidence in court.
Now, you could choose to do a little bit of investigation yourself, or even choose to hire a private investigator to pursue your suspicions about your spouse. However, if the relationship is in its infancy, or the relationship is purely online, such as in cases where your spouse may be having an emotional affair with somebody else as opposed to a physical affair — there’s a good chance that you may not be able to catch them “in the act”, so to speak.
One of the benefits of using an Internet private investigation service, especially when your partner may only be testing the waters, or looking to talk with somebody new, is that setting a trap, and catching your spouse cheating, is relatively easy. If through the course of an investigation, your spouse has been found to have a persona ad on an online dating site or through a “married but looking” type of web site — the professional investigator can find out, and obtain evidence of, your partner’s actions or inactions with their online profiles.
Because the internet is a likely starting point for an extramarital affair, using an online fidelity investigation service is an effective way to catch a cheating spouse.
If you decide to hire a professional be sure to check them out. Do a Google search to see if they are recognized as an authority in this field and are qualified to furnish this kind of report.
Author Bio: Ed Opperman is the Pres of Opperman Investigations Inc and the chief investigator for http://www.emailrevealer.com If you need assistance with a Dating Service (Infidelity) Investigation please feel free to visit his web site.
Extramarital Affairs: What Everyone Needs To Know… And What You Can Do To Help
February 16, 2009 | Leave a Comment
Recent statistics suggest that 40% of women (and that number is increasing) and 60% of men at one point indulge in extramarital affairs. Put those numbers together and it is estimated that 80% of the marriages will have one spouse at one point or another involved in marital infidelity.
That may seem like a very steep number. However after two decades plus of full time work as a marriage and family therapist, I don’t believe that number is off the charts. I worked with a great number of people involved in infidelity who were never discovered.
The possibility that someone close to you is or soon will be involved in an extramarital affair (any of the three parties) is extremely high.
Maybe you will know. You will see telltale signs. You will notice changes in the person’s habits and behavioral patterns as well as a detachment, lack of focus and reduced productivity. Maybe you will sense something “out of character” but be unable to pinpoint what it is.
It is not a given that he/she will tell you. Those hiding the affair will continue to hide. The “victim” of the extramarital affair often, at least initially, is racked with anger, hurt, embarrassment and thoughts of failing that preclude divulging the crisis.
It might be important to confront the person with your observations, depending on the status of your relationship with the person.
It is important to understand that extramarital affairs are different and serve different purposes.
Out of my study and experience with hundreds of couples I’ve identified 7 different kinds of infidelity.
Briefly, some extramarital affairs are reactivity to a perceived lack of intimacy in the marriage. Others arise out of addictive tendencies or a history of sexual confusion or trauma.
Some in our culture play out issues of entitlement and power by becoming “trophy chasers.” This “boys will be boys” mentality is subtly encouraged in some contexts. Some become involved in marital infidelity because of a high need for drama and excitement and are enthralled with the idea of “being in love” and having that “loving feeling.”
An extramarital affair might be for revenge either because the spouse did or did not do something. Or the revenge may stem from rage. Although revenge is the motive for both, they look and feel very different.
Another form of infidelity serves the purpose of affirming personal desirability. A nagging question of being “OK” may lead to usually a short-term and one-person affair. And finally, some affairs are a dance that attempts to balance needs for distance and intimacy in the marriage, often with collusion from the spouse.
The prognosis for survivability of the marriage is different for each. Some affairs are the best thing that happens to a marriage. Others serve a death knell. As well, different extramarital affairs demand different strategies on the part of the spouse or others. Some demand toughness and movement. Others demand patience and understanding.
The emotional impact of the discovery of infidelity is usually profound. Days and weeks of sleeplessness, rumination, fantasies (many sexual) and unproductivity follow. It typically takes 2 – 4 years to “work through” the implications. A good coach or therapist can accelerate and mollify the process. I don’t recommend “marriage” counseling, at least initially.
The devastating emotional impact results from a couple powerful dynamics. Trust is shattered – of one’s ability to discern the truth. The most important step is NOT to learn to trust the other person, but to learn to trust one’s self. Another is the power that a secret plays in relationships. THE secret exacts an emotional and sometimes physical toll that needs to be acknowledged and dealt with.
How can you help?
Those in the midst of their affair crisis told me they need this from you:
1. Sometimes I want to vent, get it out without censor. I know sometimes I will say what I shouldn’t be saying. It may not be nice, pretty or mild. Please know that I know better, but I need to get it off my chest.
2. Every so often I want to hear something like, “This too shall pass.” Remind me that this is not forever.
3. I want to be validated. I want to know that I am OK. You can best do that by nodding acceptance when I talk about the pain or confusion.
4. I want to hear sometimes, “What are you learning? What are you doing to take care of yourself?” I may need that little jolt that moves me beyond my pain to see the larger picture.
5. I may want space. I may want you to be quiet and patient as I attempt to sort through and express my thoughts and feelings. Give me some time to stammer, stutter and stumble my way through this.
6. I want someone to point out some new options or different roads that I might take. But before you do this, make sure I am first heard and validated.
7. When they pop into your mind, recommend books or other resources that you think I might find helpful.
8. I want to hear every so often, “How’s it going?” And, I may want this to be more than an informal greeting. Give me time and space to let you know exactly how it IS going.
9. I want you to understand and welcome the ambivalent feelings and desires. I would like you to be fairly comfortable with the gray areas and the contradictions about how I feel and what I may want.
10. I want you to be predictable. I want to be able to count on you to be there, listen and speak consistently or let me know when you are unable to do that. I will honor that.
Extramarital affairs are powerful. Affairs are costly. They affect family, friends, colleagues and employers. Infidelity is also an opportunity – to redesign one’s life and love relationships in ways that create honor, joy and true intimacy.
About the Author: Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com