How To Stop A Divorce

October 19, 2009 | Leave a Comment

Are you worried that you might not be able to find ways how to stop a divorce? If you’re like most people, you would have tried everything you can think of in an effort to keep your relationship and stop it from falling apart.

Unfortunately, if you’re also like most people, some of those things you’ve been doing to try and figure out how to stop a divorce are actually pushing your partner further away.

Here are some of the things most people do when they think they know how to stop a divorce.

1.    Reassurance

Most people try hard to tell their partner that they’ll change. They reassure them that if they stay in the relationship, things will be different. If you’ve been pleading with your partner to stay and reassuring him that everything will be better, then you could be pushing him further away.

2.    Desperation

The majority of women trying to stop a divorce tell their partner over and over again ‘I love you’. They want him to see how much they care in the hope that it will make him stay. Trying to make your partner understand how much you love him and how much you need him is almost certain to make him want to pull away. After all, if you keep telling him that you can’t live without him and he’s the only one who can make you happy, then he’s seeing that act of desperation as coming from a person who no longer has the confidence of the woman he originally fell in love with.

3.    Talking

Many women spend endless hours talking, arguing, reasoning, analyzing and trying to fix a failing relationship. This tactic never works. In fact, it simply reinforces to a man that the relationship must be in serious trouble if it requires this much arguing and analyzing, so why keep trying? Nobody wants to be married to someone who constantly wants to focus on the negative aspects of everything that’s going on.

While these things are almost normal instinctive behaviors for many women, they don’t actually work when it comes to finding ways how to stop a divorce. What works is taking a step back and looking at your relationship a little differently. It’s time to remove the emotion for just a moment and work on the dynamics of how you and your partner connected in the first place.

Think about when you first met. You would both have been happy and confident and cheerful. It was just fun to be in each others company. You would have been quite happy to accept your partner for who he was and you would have both made an effort to be sure to compromise on some things so you were both happy. Your partner would have fallen madly in love with you because you made him feel happy when you were together.

In order to find a real way how to stop a divorce, you need to figure out how to get back that happy, confident woman your husband fell in love with originally. This is not the same thing as getting a make-over. Your physical appearance isn’t going to change a person’s emotions. You’ll need to stop focusing on the negative aspects of what’s going on and work on your own inner happiness. When you’re happy and confident on the inside, you suddenly become more like the person your partner loves and respects. That’s the woman he enjoys spending time with and that will also be the woman he will stop pulling away from.

When you can raise your confidence levels to that point and avoid all the usual triggers that push men away, you will have learned the easiest way of how to stop a divorce.

Save Marriage With A Marriage Counselor

September 14, 2009 | Leave a Comment

Are you thinking of divorce? Save marriage by seeing a marriage counselor. There are many therapists who say they do marriage counseling, but how do you know which ones are really good? This article will give you a checklist of things to look for in a family therapist.

First of all, you want to see what their credentials are. There are three basic classes of counselors.

The first is the Ph.D. or Psy.D. level counselor. These people went to graduate school for a minimum of five years and wrote a dissertation. In addition, they performed a minimum of 3000 hours of therapy under the supervision of an experienced psychologist. In order to legally call yourself a “clinical psychologist” the person must have a doctoral level degree. Ph.D.’s are often more academic in nature and tend to do scholarly and forensic work along with therapy.

Then there is the M.S.W. This means Master of Social Work. Social Workers are trained to apply social theory to specific situations. They can work in institutions or with individuals.

Finally, there is the M.S. or M.A. in Counseling. Often called a “Marriage and Family Therapist,” these people can only work with individuals or small groups in counseling situations. They tend to have 2 year degrees and may not have written a thesis. They have 1500 hours of therapy under supervision.

If you are using your insurance to cover your marriage counseling, your insurance company will probably direct you to an MSW or a Marriage and Family Therapist because they are less expensive.

Second, you have to determine what the price will be. Clinical psychologists tend to be the most expensive while Marriage and Family Therapists are the least expensive. Remember you are trying to stop divorce. Save marriage by finding the best fit not the most (or least) expensive professional.

Look at the per session cost as well as the overall cost for the expected length of treatment.

Often, therapists working in groups or non profit institutions will have a sliding scale fee based on a couple’s income. If you qualify, this might make counseling affordable when it otherwise might not be.

Third, you need to look at the policies the therapist has. Some of these policies include:

• What happens if you miss or cancel a session?
• Can you take a pre-planned vacation without having to pay for the session?
• Will the therapist accept calls outside of the normal session?  Do they accept calls at home or just at the office?
• Is there an alternative person you can call in an emergency?

A family counselor should help you put your family back together so that you don’t have split up.  Saving your marriage should be their ultimate goal.  If you don’t feel that you are in synch with your counselor, move on and find someone who can keep you from divorce and save marriage.

Can I Stop My Divorce

August 18, 2009 | Leave a Comment

Can I stop my divorce? Have you been asking yourself that question lately? It’s a hard question to answer because every situation is so different. In many cases, “Can I stop my divorce?” can be answered, “Yes, for at least a while.”

Divorce lawyers do a booming business. Over half of marriages end in divorce. Have you ever wondered why that number is so high?  Is it because too many couples get married too quickly before they really know what they’re getting into? Are they asking, “Can I stop my divorce?” practically before the last piece of wedding cake is wrapped?

Are people marrying too young? These things might seem like pat answers, but when you consider that many couples who have been married for 20, 30 and 40 years are getting divorced too, that seems to eliminate the more frivolous marriages and divorces like those we see among starlets and stars.

No, usually when you wonder, “Can I stop my divorce?” it’s not because you married too young or because you’re in a marriage that was doomed from the start. It’s just that you’ve grown apart from your spouse.

On one hand that’s good. It means you’ve grown, and generally a married person needs to be in a caring, nurturing marriage to grow. On the other hand it’s all too easy to grow in such a way that we feel a bit isolated from our spouse, as if they don’t know a certain part of us that we might like to keep private.

When one spouse grows and takes on new interests, it can cause that disconnect between the spouses. Sometimes there’s jealousy and envy that a spouse is succeeding while the other feels inadequate or cheated in some way. Marriage counseling is the recommended treatment for such feelings.

Until or instead of counseling, though, you can try to take an interest in something that your spouse does apart from you. You’ll quickly discover if the gap between your activities is the problem. If your spouse isn’t thrilled about your interest, then let it go. He or she considers that particularly activity to be me time for them.

On the other hand, if your spouse seems very enthusiastic about you getting involved, maybe that was part of the problem all along. He or she wanted to include you but didn’t know how to go about it, or didn’t think you would be interested.

Show genuine interest and ask questions without overdoing it unless you are genuinely excited by the topic. Engage your spouse in conversation about the interest. Be affectionate as you’re talking by putting a hand on his/her arm or shoulder.

Since you’re wondering, “Can I stop my divorce?” you’re going to want to do everything you can get to things on your side. You’re in rescue mode, so no matter how disinterested you might be in your spouse’s hobby, don’t let it show.

And while you’re wondering, “Can I stop my divorce?” don’t forget that your spouse might turn around and ask you about your hobby, too.

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