Help Prevent Marriage Failure
May 19, 2010 | Leave a Comment
If you are worried about marriage failure, you must sense that all is not rosy in your own love affair. Don’t panic, as most marriages go through periods where it seems that the divorce courts are getting nearer but it doesn’t have to end this way.
If you have children, you need to get a babysitter. Make a date with your husband away from your home. Go to a restaurant or bar as being in public reduces the risk of your conversation turning into a full scale row. However, leave the booze alone unless of course you have something to celebrate at the end of the day. It is difficult enough to discuss the issues or problems you are facing in your relationship without having an alcohol induced haze to fight as well.
It is important to take this discussion to neutral territory for a number of reasons. For one thing you have a duty to protect your kids from seeing the worst of the arguments between mom and dad. Now don’t get me wrong. Your children will benefit from seeing their parents have mutual disagreements as that is life – bringing kids up to believe that the world is a happy place all the time is just silly and in the long term detrimental to their well being. But you need to show them that married couples can argue and remain happily involved. They can disagree but come to a solution together without getting abusive or making appointments with divorce lawyers.
Before you go to this date make a list of all the things you love about your partner and all the things that drive you nuts. Hopefully the first list will be longer! Also try reading a couple of self help relationship counseling books as these can really help you to put things into perspective. I highly recommend reading the Magic of Making Up as it has saved countless marriages and relationships.
When you do go on your date, be careful how you approach your other half. If you start the evening off with “I hate it when” or “look at this list I made of all the reasons you annoy me” you are doomed to failure. You don’t want to attack your partner. OK, you may be angry and you may even have plenty of justification for being very angry but think about what you are trying to achieve.
You do not want your relationship to be another marriage failure statistic. Virtually any relationship can be saved if both parties want it to happen. You may have to persuade your partner that it is worth saving what you have. You will both have to work hard and the next few months may well be the most difficult you have yet encountered in the history of your relationship. But when you get through it you will find that your marriage is stronger and happier than it ever was. Now isn’t that worth fighting for?
Is Your Marriage Crushing You Like A Grape?
April 8, 2009 | Leave a Comment
Have you ever been to a winery?
Can you imagine what it would be like to be one of those grapes? Really…play along with me here for a moment.
Can you imagine what it would be like to be plucked, pushed, crushed, pressed, skinned, and fermented? OUCH! The pain! What’s the point of it all?
A lot of people feel that way about the pain they experience in their marriage. “Why am I doing this? Where is this relationship going?”
But just as a grape goes through a difficult process before it becomes a fine wine, sometimes our marriage has to go through a painful process before it matures.
The people who have the best marriages are NOT people who grew up well-adjusted, have healthy adult lives, and normal parents. People like that usually have OKAY marriages.
The BEST marriages are with couples who were crushed, who went through a painful process, and who built their relationship from the ruins of broken hearts.
There’s an ancient song by King David, “Those who sow in tears will reap harvest in glad song.”
And so it is that pain is often the preview to pleasure. Any woman who has experienced child birth can testify to this truth.
In my work doing marriage coaching, I have noticed that very often the turning point in a marriage is when a couple hits rock bottom. It’s not until they’ve been through the worst that things start to get better.
But the turnaround in a marriage is NOT automatic. Just because you hit bottom, does NOT mean you’ll bounce back. If you don’t make it happen, you’ll just crash. In order to turn your marriage around, you have to take RESPONSIBILITY.
What does it REALLY mean to be responsible? A person who is responsible has the ABILITY to RESPOND. In other words, if you take response-ability for your marriage, then your marriage is not determined solely by what happens; it’s also determined by how you RESPOND to what happens.
A responsible person is not a victim to their circumstances. They are the master of their fate. How you respond to your marital circumstances today WILL determine your marital circumstances tomorrow. YOUR actions create your marriage. You can turn sour grapes into a fine wine.
If you know how to do this, then do it now. If you need help, then USE ME. I can help you. Years ago my marriage was hours from “done.” I turned it around and I can show you how too. I’ve helped thousands of marriages. Have you seen the miracle stories on my web site?
Making a relationship work is not mystical. Love is NOT a mystery. You don’t have to be “lucky in love.” You can “make love.” You just have to know the recipe.
About the Author: If you want to learn more about how I can help you, subscribe to Mort Fertel’s FREE report, “7 Secrets for a Stronger Marriage” and get my FREE marriage assessment. CLICK HERE to subscribe. It’s FREE.