Secrets Of Happy And Long-Lasting Marriage – Sound Difficult? Not So…
June 11, 2009 | Leave a Comment
Do you still remember the moment you together with your husband or wife swear in front of the altar that you will be keeping your marriage vows in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, and until death do your part? Good for the two of you if you still keep that scared vows you have made when you were married. Unfortunately, there are couples who happen to be filing divorces for different grounds.
Why there are couples who are making separate ways after they have taken that marriage vows? There are many reasons to mention, but the gravest of all is the loss of love and trust to one another. All the problems are rooted from this reason. How will you trust your partner if you do not love him/her? How will you love your partner if you do not trust him/her? These two questions will lead you to a very serious one, “How will I make our marriage happy and long-lasting?”
That is not a new question for every couple. Before marriage, they are exactly asking the same question. But this time, it is really serious. Remember that you have sworn before God that you will love and take care of each other until death, or even after death.
As mentioned earlier, the gravest reason of divorcing couples is the lack of love and trust. So what will you do to maintain or in case lost, return it in your relationship?
First thing to do is to have an open communication. One of the reasons of lack of trust is miscommunication. For instance, there will be an instance where you will not be revealing your problem to your partner even though he or she already noticed it. First thing that will come to his or her mind is that you do not trust her anymore because you are not revealing your problem.
Find ways of opening your communication. Have a talk every night before you sleep. You can confer to your partner experiences of the previous day. Let your partner know that you want him or her to be a part of everything you are experiencing with, most especially on cases when you have problems.
Another is to make sacrifices on some circumstances. It is one of the secrets to have a happy and long-lasting marriage. Both of you should be prepared to put your partner’s happiness ahead of your own from time to time.
There are instances that small problems become large problems if you will be showing that you are the boss of the relationship. You must learn to give way, after all a happy marriage is allowing your partner to be satisfied with your relationship. For instance, you can volunteer yourself on washing the dishes after dinner. Just see the smile on the face of your wife if you will do such small things for them. In addition, it also shows that you care for your partner.
Always be careful with your finances. If you do not handle your financial situation carefully, it can destroy your marriage. When financial crisis arise, it is important that the two of you should discuss the problem so that you are both aware of the situation you are facing and at the same time finding solutions. Working together on this particular issue will make each other feel that each of you is an integral part of the decision making process.
There are so many variables that affect your marriage. Just remember that love and trust will bind you together. Make each other realize that the two of you must continuously work on all of these aspects to ensure that your marriage will be happy and long-lasting through the rest of your lives.
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The Secret Of A Happy Marriage
June 10, 2009 | Leave a Comment
When we marry we all intend to live happily ever after. Why then do so many marriages breakdown? I believe that one of the basic fundamental reasons is the lack of giving love freely to one another. When two people come together and unintentionally only expect to receive love, then ultimately there will be no giving or receiving of love for either. However, when two people come together and give their love, both people give and receive love in abundance.
The secret is you can only give what you possess. To have a good relationship with someone else you must first have a good relationship with yourself. To be capable of giving love to someone else you must truly love yourself. I don’t mean in a vain shallow way, I mean in a wonderful healthy way.
The following words written by Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D. are extremely profound:-
CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE.
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
So many of us have not been given the love we all deserve but it is never too late to learn. We can all learn to be more confident, build self-esteem and love and accept ourselves as we are. The first step to changing anything is to be aware of it. We must be honest about how we take care of ourselves. Try answering some of the following questions:-
Do you love yourself?
Do you know that you are special?
Do you speak kindly to yourself or do you beat yourself up for the mistakes you make?
Do you feel confident?
Are you calm and peaceful in most situations?
Do you like yourself and are you proud of your beliefs?
Are you happy with the way you look?
Meditation helps us feel better about ourselves. It creates inner peace and builds confidence. Meditation gets rid of stress, anxiety, frustration, and anger. It helps us to be more able to be grateful and appreciate others, become more tolerant and harmonious, have a better outlook on life, and have the benefit of more satisfying relationships. Mediation can only improve the life you are living; providing both physical and emotional benefits that will change your life in a positive way allowing you to enjoy wonderful relationships.
About the Author: Marilyn Ann Barker-Smith is the co-founder of Project Meditation. The inner peace gained from meditation can be amazing, which is why we offer a free meditation course.
Never Get Married Because You’re In Love
May 28, 2009 | Leave a Comment
I’ll repeat that. Never get married because you’re in love.
Sounds crazy?
It’s not.
Let me tell you why.
Ever been to a single’s bar? Mosey on over to the one nearest you and watch what happens. When a man approaches a woman in a singles’ bar – or a woman approaches a man – they each know exactly one thing about the other: how they look. She’s attracted to him, he’s attracted to her. And that physical chemistry forms the basis of whatever relationship may or may not develop. Now, they may think they’re in love. But in fact, they are simply infatuated with each other.
Here’s one to remember: Chemistry ignites the fire, but character keeps it burning. Chemistry – physical attraction – is not something to be ignored. But a deeply loving relationship based on mutual respect cannot stand on chemistry alone. That can only happen with someone whose character you can value and appreciate.
The best way (actually, the only way) to have a lasting relationship is to really look at the quality of the person you’re dating. That means being on the lookout for specific character traits, both positive and negative. The top four qualities to look for are humility, kindness, responsibility and happiness.
Humility. What is humility? Well, it is not being a doormat. Letting people walk all over you is not necessarily a sign of humility. It’s a sign of weakness.
Humble people are not weak. Humble people want to do the right thing rather than their thing, and that takes a lot of confidence and inner strength.
Someone who is humble will put values above convenience.
They can accept criticism without being defensive, because they’re committed to personal growth rather than to comfort.
A humble person will not get angry easily, because they don’t feel that anybody owes them anything. That’s the reason they also tend not to be materialistic.
Now, you may think that the above description applies only to angels. And it would be a mistake to narrow your search down to someone who has mastered all of the above qualities that go along with humility. Nobody’s perfect. But you should look for someone who values humility and is striving to achieve it. At the very least, ask yourself if the person you’re dating is arrogant. You definitely do not want to marry an arrogant person who feels that people owe him or her the world.
Kindness. Kindness is more than just being a nice person. If you ask most engaged couples if their intended spouse is kind, they’ll probably say yes. But the divorce rate is over 50%. If everybody is so kind, then why is the divorce rate so high? Because although people think that they’re kind, they really lack a depth of kindness.
So, what’s kindness? Being a kind person means being a giver, someone who’s committed to giving pleasure and minimizing other people’s pain. If two people like this get married, they are much less likely to suffer serious problems in their relationship. That’s because each one is dedicated to the other’s well-being.
How do you know if someone is truly a kind person? Look at how they treat the other people in their lives. How do they treat their parents, siblings and grandparents? Do they feel a sense of gratitude to their parents? If not, what makes you think they’ll feel any sort of gratitude towards you after you’re married?
Watch how they treat the “little people” towards whom they have no obligations – waiters, busboys, doormen, secretaries. How do they treat their employees? What’s their business reputation like? Are they ruthless?
Does the person you’re dating do volunteer work? If not, do they give charity? If the answer to both questions is no, that isn’t a good sign.
Do they drive courteously? What happens when they drink, when they lose control a little bit? How do they act?
Take note of the answers to these questions. Write them down so that you’ll have a whole picture in front of you when you need to make a decision about whether or not to continue a relationship.
Responsibility. First thing, ask yourself: Is this person irresponsible? If the answer is yes, be careful. You do not want to marry an irresponsible person. If your first, off the cuff answer is no, then check them out.
Do they have a stable work history? Do they have stable friendships? Do they have long-term friendships, or do they need to move around a lot?
Ask yourself: Can you rely on this person? Do you feel safe and secure with them? Another good question is to ask yourself is if you can trust what the other person says. Do they stand behind what they say? Do they live up to their commitments?
Happiness. You might be stumped on that one. Since when is happiness a character trait?
That all depends on how you define happiness. A happy person is someone who is basically content, who focuses on what they have, not on what they don’t have.
Life has no guarantees. Anyone can be dealt a hard blow. But a person who is internally happy will be able to get past life’s obstacles, whereas someone who is constantly focused on the negative will have a much harder time. And you want to be married to someone who can smile at life.
So remember: Never get married just because you’re in love – focus on character, not on chemistry. Look for a quality person to share your life with, someone humble, kind, responsible and happy.
You deserve no less!
About the author: David LeVine – Your search is ending! Now there is no excuse to put off meeting – and winning – your own soul mate. No more miserable dates. http://www.warmwisdompress.com/dating/