How to Save Marriage When Things Seem Bad

January 11, 2010 | Leave a Comment

You have been fighting and arguing for months and you are wondering how to save marriage? A great deal depends on the communication methods of you and your spouse. Other considerations include the basic cause of the arguments you have been having over the last few months. Are the arguments knock down drag out? Or do you have healthy discussions without anger and raised voices? Do you both listen carefully to what each other person has to say and then try to address each point in the discussion?

Marriage is a wonderful institution that no one seems to get any training for before they enter into it. You meet someone and fall in love and progress through the courtship and find that you want to spend the rest of your life with that special person and decide to get married. Some religions require you go through a brief marriage class before being allowed to be married in their church. These classes are designed more to acquaint you with the particulars of that church’s doctrine versus what marriage will really be all about. There are even classes on child birthing, but why are there not classes regarding what will happen during a marriage and if things start to go wrong how to save a marriage?

Experts always say that having many things in common is an excellent way to a healthy marriage, but the biggest thing to have in common is an understanding of communication styles so that you are not alienating your spouse without even meaning to. Men and women have different communication styles and need to understand what a particular communication is supposed to mean. Women have a tendency to want to vent without their spouse offering an instant solution. The process of talking through what is going on is usually enough, but if a woman thinks her spouse is patronizing or not listening then frustration can build up. Understanding communication styles is a way to keep a marriage alive.

Other experts say that to avoid poisonous building up of anger and frustration you should never go to sleep angry. Both parties should always try to avoid raised voices and accusations and try to see the other point of view. This by no means should excuse either party if they have done something seriously wrong, but neither party should let things build up until there is an explosion and both parties say things that they should not. It is human nature to try to hurt the person that you feel has hurt you, but the situation needs to be looked at objectively and both people need to address the situation in a positive manner.

Keeping secrets is a sure way to have conflict and strife so to avoid arguments and thoughts of divorce or separation you should not keep secrets from each other. The best way to save marriage is to not get to the point where one or the other wants to get out of the marriage.

Author Bio: Doug has been writing articles for nearly 4 years. Come visit his latest website over at http://racingrunningshoes.com which helps people find the Brooks Beast running shoes they are looking for.

How To Stop A Divorce

October 19, 2009 | Leave a Comment

Are you worried that you might not be able to find ways how to stop a divorce? If you’re like most people, you would have tried everything you can think of in an effort to keep your relationship and stop it from falling apart.

Unfortunately, if you’re also like most people, some of those things you’ve been doing to try and figure out how to stop a divorce are actually pushing your partner further away.

Here are some of the things most people do when they think they know how to stop a divorce.

1.    Reassurance

Most people try hard to tell their partner that they’ll change. They reassure them that if they stay in the relationship, things will be different. If you’ve been pleading with your partner to stay and reassuring him that everything will be better, then you could be pushing him further away.

2.    Desperation

The majority of women trying to stop a divorce tell their partner over and over again ‘I love you’. They want him to see how much they care in the hope that it will make him stay. Trying to make your partner understand how much you love him and how much you need him is almost certain to make him want to pull away. After all, if you keep telling him that you can’t live without him and he’s the only one who can make you happy, then he’s seeing that act of desperation as coming from a person who no longer has the confidence of the woman he originally fell in love with.

3.    Talking

Many women spend endless hours talking, arguing, reasoning, analyzing and trying to fix a failing relationship. This tactic never works. In fact, it simply reinforces to a man that the relationship must be in serious trouble if it requires this much arguing and analyzing, so why keep trying? Nobody wants to be married to someone who constantly wants to focus on the negative aspects of everything that’s going on.

While these things are almost normal instinctive behaviors for many women, they don’t actually work when it comes to finding ways how to stop a divorce. What works is taking a step back and looking at your relationship a little differently. It’s time to remove the emotion for just a moment and work on the dynamics of how you and your partner connected in the first place.

Think about when you first met. You would both have been happy and confident and cheerful. It was just fun to be in each others company. You would have been quite happy to accept your partner for who he was and you would have both made an effort to be sure to compromise on some things so you were both happy. Your partner would have fallen madly in love with you because you made him feel happy when you were together.

In order to find a real way how to stop a divorce, you need to figure out how to get back that happy, confident woman your husband fell in love with originally. This is not the same thing as getting a make-over. Your physical appearance isn’t going to change a person’s emotions. You’ll need to stop focusing on the negative aspects of what’s going on and work on your own inner happiness. When you’re happy and confident on the inside, you suddenly become more like the person your partner loves and respects. That’s the woman he enjoys spending time with and that will also be the woman he will stop pulling away from.

When you can raise your confidence levels to that point and avoid all the usual triggers that push men away, you will have learned the easiest way of how to stop a divorce.