Tips For Men on How to Improve a Marriage

February 7, 2009 | Leave a Comment

One of the worst things anyone can do is to take their wife for granted.

In the beginning there was love

When we begin a new relationship, it’s so exciting. The buzz, the expectation, the passion…it’s intoxicating. We want to impress our prospective partners so we shower them with gifts, buy flowers, go for romantic meals, visit romantic places, all things designed to show your lady how much you love and want her, and hoping to convince her that you’re the man for her.

We all do it. It’s natural. And yet, many of us let this slip after a few years of marriage. But, I hear you say, we can’t afford that lifestyle any more. We want to raise a family, and we must economize. Piffle.

More ways of skinning a cat

So, you need to economize? This is understandable, and almost noble, especially if you want to start a family. But it doesn’t mean that you have to stop showing your love for her. Don’t think that just because she married you, that you can stop wooing her. Women always need to be shown they are loved, desired and wanted.

Instead of taking her out for expensive restaurant meals, prepare the occasional romantic meal at home. It’s so much cheaper than eating out, but more than that, it shows your partner you care, that you have taken the time and trouble to cook for her, and to prepare that private intimate experience to share.

Alternatively you can take her out for a picnic. This has all attraction of preparing a meal at home, but also adds the extra dimension of romantic surroundings if you choose them with thought.

Don’t stop bringing her gifts. They don’t have to be expensive. A flower picked on the way home, a bottle of wine you can share together…just small things, but things that keep the element of surprise there, that show you still care.

Personal grooming

You should always strive to look your best. There is nothing worse to a woman, than if her once handsome, smart man should turn into a scruffy, dirty slob. By keeping up your appearance, you are not only obviously looking good, but you are keeping her attraction to you alive, and you are honoring her by looking good for her.

That’s what she does for you…looks good… for you! It’s not for some other Tom, Dick, or Harry, it’s for you, and one of the simplest and most effective gestures you can do that will go a long way, is to let her know that you recognize it…often.

The physical manifestation of love

Making love is of course the ultimate show of your love for your partner. Make love often. Not only does it cost nothing (practical but true), it shows your wife that you still care for her. Be a little adventurous (that doesn’t mean swinging from the chandelier) be a little naughty…flirting is fun. Above all be gentle and caring.

The key

Showing you still care is the absolute key. Tell her you love her regularly. Not too often. You don’t want to spoil the girl, but say it unexpectedly. It’s so much more effective.

Always make that extra time for her. No matter what other priorities you may think you have at the time, she is more important to you than anything else in the world. You can always make the time if you bear this thought in mind.

Be kind and considerate. It doesn’t mean you have to be effeminate. Women love strong men who, whilst being masculine, can also show them kindness and consideration.

Talk

As simple as it may seem, communication is such an important factor in any marriage. Through life’s journey together, you will meet problems. But, if you can meet these problems together, head on, discuss them, and agree the way forward, your marriage will remain strong.

My Wife Won’t Make Love to Me - 3 Steps to Getting Together

January 4, 2009 | Leave a Comment

Have you recently experienced a lull in your marital sex life? Are you saying to yourself, “My wife won’t make love to me?” Your first inclination may be to address the issue with her immediately, and this is a common feeling that everyone in your situation experiences.

You may find yourself falling into an emotionally depressed place, and you may find yourself wondering what to do. You may immediately feel like confronting your wife and begging her to open up to you. But is this really going to make things better? Rather than make things better, what it is probably going to do is make your situation much worse - making her feel even more distant from you than ever.

What you should actually do at this point is the opposite of what you are feeling. Do you feel like confronting your wife directly? Don’t! Do you feel like getting depressed? Don’t! Do you feel like you just want to give up on the marriage and find sexual satisfaction outside your marriage? Don’t! Instead, follow these three basic steps and you will have the answer that you need to the age old concern, “My wife won’t make love to me.”

1 - Fully Acknowledge Your Current Predicament to Yourself

First and foremost, you need to accept the current situation for what it is, within your own heart. Continue to have a positive attitude toward your wife, and allow the reality of your situation to sink in a bit on a conscious level. When you do this, it will eliminate a large amount of the tension and stress that is being experienced by both you and your wife due to your predicament. Taking this stance clears the air, and it allows you some time to coolly consider your options. If your wife realizes that she still loves you, she will be more inclined to being more open to resuming the intimacy you used to share.

2 - Do Not Overwhelm Her with Requests for Lovemaking

Do not make an overt effort at this point in terms of getting your wife to see it your way with your intimacy issues. You should stop communicating with her on this so that you can allow yourself some “thinking time.” This may seem counterintuitive, but by no longer pestering her on this issue you are signaling to her that you are mature enough to find the right solution.
This will allow her to think about the sexual side of your relationship, as well, so that she can get in touch with how she feels about its value. It will also allow her to have some time to miss that part of your relationship again (remember, your wife has needs, too). When you can separate yourself from your angst about your situation and can calm your nerves, that may be the first step toward healing the underlying issues keeping the two of you out of bed together.

3 - Plan Your Fantasy Sexual Reunion with Her

Once you have completed the two steps mentioned above, it is time to plan your ideal romantic reunion with your wife. Work out in your mind a reunion fantasy - where you will meet, what you will wear, and what you should say and do on your special night. This will allow you to get a better idea of what you really want our of your newly-rekindled relationship (once it happens). But remember, at this point, keep all of this planning in the fantasy world of your mind until you are ready to take the next step and share your plan with your wife.

Now that you have taken these important steps, it is time to put your plan into action. You will need to start breaking the ice with your wife about your intimacy issues so that you are both on the same page. When the timing is right, you need to appropriately share your romantic plan (see Step 3) with her to gauge her reaction.

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