Marriage and Partnership – The Power of Two
January 25, 2010 | Leave a Comment
The exponential power of two. It’s one of the great things about being in a committed relationship. When there’s dry cleaning to pick up, groceries to buy, a dog to walk, a UPS truck that’s expected, a lawn that needs mowing, a kid with a tummy ache, windows to wash, and dinner to prepare, having someone share the load makes life a lot easier.
Ditto when you hit the rough spots. Double ditto when you face challenges. Cranky and downright unpleasant. We’ve all been there. Down in the dumps just ‘cuz, or angry over the promotion that went to the bozo instead of you, faced with a scary medical procedure, disappointed by a friend, unhappy on the job, worried about a failing parent, or at wit’s end over your mouthy teenager’s attitude. Scared, nervous, insecure. We’ve all been there, too. Times when we need to accomplish something extra, push ourselves further, and stretch beyond where we think possible. Life. It’s not always smooth sailing. How much easier it is, however, to navigate turbulent times when there’s somebody on your side who believes in you, gently nudges you forward, cheers you on, and has button-busting pride in your accomplishments.
There was a time in my life when I had a difficult decision to make, when I had to either “fish or cut bait,” and “fishing” meant committing $10,000 of hard-earned dollars. I was terrified to take that step. I was terrified not to. I was paralyzed. My husband Dale said to me, “My arm is around your shoulder, my hand is at your back, and I walk by your side. You know what you need to do. Now, my love, go do it.” I took that step, made that commitment, and it led to the publication of my first book. I have never felt more supported or more loved than I did at that moment. And, believe me, a guy like that can get away with imperfections I’ll happily overlook. Being supportive is the loving thing to do. It’s also in your best interest. You’ll rack up more points (or what Dale and I call Frequent Foreplay Miles) than you can ever use. Don’t you just love a win-win?
Is there a time in your relationship when your sweetheart made a difference in your life? If so, then remember this: When your sweetheart is cranky and irritable, or scared and insecure, or for whatever reason is less than the cheerful, high-on-life love bug you’ve come to know, you’ve got an opportunity to return the favor. Take a deep breath, avoid knee jerk (emphasis on jerk) reactions, and be a supportive partner whether the situation is monumental or nothing more than irritation at having gotten a speeding ticket. Being a supportive partner sometimes means sitting silently while your sweetheart vents. Sometimes it means encouragement to offset insecurity. Sometimes it means being brave even when you, too, are afraid. And sometimes it just means loving your partner through his or her indulgently bad behavior.
In the movie, Rocky said to Adrian, “I got gaps. You got gaps. We fill each others gaps.” The power of two. Wow.
Author Bio: Shela Dean is a Relationship Happiness Coach, speaker, and author of Frequent Foreplay Miles – Your Ticket to Total Intimacy. Her book and advice have helped many couples in their journey towards improving intimacy and strengthening marital bonds.
How to Save Marriage When Things Seem Bad
January 11, 2010 | Leave a Comment
You have been fighting and arguing for months and you are wondering how to save marriage? A great deal depends on the communication methods of you and your spouse. Other considerations include the basic cause of the arguments you have been having over the last few months. Are the arguments knock down drag out? Or do you have healthy discussions without anger and raised voices? Do you both listen carefully to what each other person has to say and then try to address each point in the discussion?
Marriage is a wonderful institution that no one seems to get any training for before they enter into it. You meet someone and fall in love and progress through the courtship and find that you want to spend the rest of your life with that special person and decide to get married. Some religions require you go through a brief marriage class before being allowed to be married in their church. These classes are designed more to acquaint you with the particulars of that church’s doctrine versus what marriage will really be all about. There are even classes on child birthing, but why are there not classes regarding what will happen during a marriage and if things start to go wrong how to save a marriage?
Experts always say that having many things in common is an excellent way to a healthy marriage, but the biggest thing to have in common is an understanding of communication styles so that you are not alienating your spouse without even meaning to. Men and women have different communication styles and need to understand what a particular communication is supposed to mean. Women have a tendency to want to vent without their spouse offering an instant solution. The process of talking through what is going on is usually enough, but if a woman thinks her spouse is patronizing or not listening then frustration can build up. Understanding communication styles is a way to keep a marriage alive.
Other experts say that to avoid poisonous building up of anger and frustration you should never go to sleep angry. Both parties should always try to avoid raised voices and accusations and try to see the other point of view. This by no means should excuse either party if they have done something seriously wrong, but neither party should let things build up until there is an explosion and both parties say things that they should not. It is human nature to try to hurt the person that you feel has hurt you, but the situation needs to be looked at objectively and both people need to address the situation in a positive manner.
Keeping secrets is a sure way to have conflict and strife so to avoid arguments and thoughts of divorce or separation you should not keep secrets from each other. The best way to save marriage is to not get to the point where one or the other wants to get out of the marriage.
Author Bio: Doug has been writing articles for nearly 4 years. Come visit his latest website over at http://racingrunningshoes.com which helps people find the Brooks Beast running shoes they are looking for.
How Marriage Counseling Can Stop Divorce
January 1, 2010 | Leave a Comment
It is common for couples not to see eye to eye and have squabbles now and then. However, when the word “let’s get a divorce” is angrily spat out by either party, it could be merely out of anger or heat of the moment. So if you cherish your family and kids, and still love your partner no matter how angry or frustrated you are, then it is time to save your marriage to stop the downward spiral which may lead to an unwanted divorce and a broken family. This is the time when both of you need to go for a marriage counseling therapy.
Marriage counseling is the last thing couples want to go through though. But if it can save your marriage from breaking up, then it is well worth it. So how to look for a good marriage counselor? Let’s find out with this article.
I must emphasise that it is of utmost importance to find a marriage counselor whom both of you like and able to feel comfortable with. After you’ve called or interviewed the counselor, ask yourself these questions:-
i) Does the marriage counselor seem interested in you? Use your intuition to feel his/her level of empathy.
ii) Does he/her ask you and your partner questions to get enough significant information about your marriage?
A good marriage counselor will create an environment where both of you and the counselor can feel safe and comfortable to discuss any issues no matter how embarrassing these issues may be.
Then you will need to check on the experience and track record of your potential marriage counselor. Ask to see his or her training qualifications and success rate in helping couples to successfully to save their marriages.
Ask him/her to provide referrals who have successfully saved their marriages and those who failed and call these referrals to ascertain the professionalism of your potential counselor. Do not be shy about this because if the counseling fails, you will be looking starkly at the prospect of an ugly divorce.
For this reason, find a counselor who has been in practise for several years and who counsels at least six or seven couples per week. It is vital to find a counselor who is truly a couple’s therapist and not merely a counselor trained to work with individuals who happens to see couples. This is because there is a risk that the therapist will treat individual unhappiness and not effectively address the couple’s specific issues.
This may be common sense, but in the fit of an emotional trauma and anger may be overlooked. Do find a counselor who is affordable and geographically convenient. Otherwise, either you or your spouse may come up with excuses like “we can’t afford it” or “it is to much of a hassle” to derail the progress you can make to save your marriage.
Now, make sure that your therapist believes in the institution of marriage. You may not know this, but some marriage counselors actually may tell you that divorce is the best option and helps you to facilitate divorce proceedings such as introducing you to divorce lawyers and then counsel you on the emotional traumas of a divorce. These are divorce counselors, not marriage counselors wherein he/she helps the couple to separate rather than stay together.
So if facilitating a divorce is not your goal and barring incidents like repeated illicit affairs, drug or alcohol abuse and or domestic violence etc, then it is certainly prudent to make sure that you see a marriage counselor who believes in the making the marriage intact.
If you or your spouse have a special problem, then go to a specialist in that field instead of a general practitioner marriage counselor. Such issues could be drug or alcohol abuse, sex addiction or domestic violence just to name a few examples. Thus the counselor that you choose must be skilled in addressing these issues.
Many counselors often choose a niche that they are passionate about and thus you can benefit from their additional knowledge and training in those specific niches.
So if you really want to save your marriage and believes that divorcing your spouse is the last option, then finding a good marriage counselor and going for marriage counseling may just save your marriage.
Author Bio: Chris Chew is a fitness, health and relationship consultant. Read his free articles at Stop Divorce Save Marriage and Lose Weight After Pregnant