Help Save Marriage My SOS Cry
September 2, 2009 | Leave a Comment
“Help save marriage from falling apart!” comes the cry from many who see their marriage sinking quickly. You have been watching the ship you are on sinking but haven’t figured out what to do to stop it. If you aren’t ready to see your marriage sink into the abyss, you need help and save marriage advice. You need an S.O.S. You need to learn to sacrifice for your marriage, you have to learn to open up and communicate, and you have to learn to simplify your lives so things aren’t so complicated.
Sacrifice:
Many times those who are wanting help save marriage are really more interested in trying to get the other person to fix their problems. If you are looking at the other person as the root of the problem, take a close look at yourself. It may very well be that the other person is causing all the problems but you need to make sure that you aren’t making matters worse.
Most of the time marriages fall apart because one or both of the people start getting selfish and feel that the world revolves around them. The truth is that if that is your perspective, the marriage is doomed. The two of you are supposed to be as one and this can not be if you are only looking out for #1. You have to be able to sacrifice parts of yourself for the existence of the marriage. It takes the two of you realizing that if you want to be as one, you may have to sacrifice yourself. The choice is simple, live as one or live as two people.
Open Up:
There is a tendency that many people have to bottle things up when we are stressed. This isn’t healthy for any individual and it especially isn’t healthy for a marriage. When contents are under pressure for too long and that pressure grows, things are likely going to build up too much. When thing build up too much they may reach the point that there is an explosion.
There may have been firecrackers going off when the two of you first kissed. It is nothing like the Nuclear Bomb that could go off when you have let things stay bottled up for two long in a marriage. The longer you wait to bring resolution or to communicate problems, the bigger the explosion will be. You need to open up a bit to take off the pressure and help save marriage.
Simplify:
We have a tendency to make things a lot more complicated than what they need to be. We make big issues out of little ones and mountains out of mole hills. Blowing things out of proportion is something that many who need help save marriage will do that makes things worse than they need to be.
Consider what it is that you really need to have in a mate. What is it you really need to exist. Try and simplify it as much as possible. Stop looking at all the details and try to find the root of the problems.
Are you making too many demands? Are you being too picky about how you think things should be? Are you expecting too much?
Take a step back and consider that you may be making things more complicated than they need to be. Simplify and you just may be able to help save marriage.
Can I Stop My Divorce
August 18, 2009 | Leave a Comment
Can I stop my divorce? Have you been asking yourself that question lately? It’s a hard question to answer because every situation is so different. In many cases, “Can I stop my divorce?” can be answered, “Yes, for at least a while.”
Divorce lawyers do a booming business. Over half of marriages end in divorce. Have you ever wondered why that number is so high? Is it because too many couples get married too quickly before they really know what they’re getting into? Are they asking, “Can I stop my divorce?” practically before the last piece of wedding cake is wrapped?
Are people marrying too young? These things might seem like pat answers, but when you consider that many couples who have been married for 20, 30 and 40 years are getting divorced too, that seems to eliminate the more frivolous marriages and divorces like those we see among starlets and stars.
No, usually when you wonder, “Can I stop my divorce?” it’s not because you married too young or because you’re in a marriage that was doomed from the start. It’s just that you’ve grown apart from your spouse.
On one hand that’s good. It means you’ve grown, and generally a married person needs to be in a caring, nurturing marriage to grow. On the other hand it’s all too easy to grow in such a way that we feel a bit isolated from our spouse, as if they don’t know a certain part of us that we might like to keep private.
When one spouse grows and takes on new interests, it can cause that disconnect between the spouses. Sometimes there’s jealousy and envy that a spouse is succeeding while the other feels inadequate or cheated in some way. Marriage counseling is the recommended treatment for such feelings.
Until or instead of counseling, though, you can try to take an interest in something that your spouse does apart from you. You’ll quickly discover if the gap between your activities is the problem. If your spouse isn’t thrilled about your interest, then let it go. He or she considers that particularly activity to be me time for them.
On the other hand, if your spouse seems very enthusiastic about you getting involved, maybe that was part of the problem all along. He or she wanted to include you but didn’t know how to go about it, or didn’t think you would be interested.
Show genuine interest and ask questions without overdoing it unless you are genuinely excited by the topic. Engage your spouse in conversation about the interest. Be affectionate as you’re talking by putting a hand on his/her arm or shoulder.
Since you’re wondering, “Can I stop my divorce?” you’re going to want to do everything you can get to things on your side. You’re in rescue mode, so no matter how disinterested you might be in your spouse’s hobby, don’t let it show.
And while you’re wondering, “Can I stop my divorce?” don’t forget that your spouse might turn around and ask you about your hobby, too.
What To Do After Marriage To Avoid Ruining Your Relationship
July 24, 2009 | Leave a Comment
After marriage, many relationships begin to stumble and fall. This doesn’t seem like the way it should go. Marriage is supposed to be a great and glorious thing, and much of the time it’s exactly that, but the period after marriage can also be a dangerous one for many people.
The problem is that before marriage, the relationship was always building towards something. In the early days, you looked forward to the next date. Then you were looking forward to all the little events that make up the beginnings of a relationship. Meeting the parents, meeting the friends, all those little first that make up a life.
After all that, you start looking forward to the big events. You move in together, and that’s a big thing. Then you start looking forward to the wedding, to the rest of your life. Then you get married. After marriage, things change.
After marriage, you start to wonder if this is all there. Most of the little events that you look forward to have happened and all you’re left with is the rest of your life. While finding the right someone to spend your life with is one of the best parts of life, you have to wary of the ennui that comes after.
This is a period that can leave you or your new spouse failing, looking for something to give your life direction. This can lead to people doing stupid things as the new wedding glow wears off, cheating or starting fights.
Because of this, the after marriage period is not a time when you should sit by and just hope that everything will work out for the best. A marriage might last a lifetime for the lucky, but it won’t get there without the two of you being in synch and working towards building something that last.
What you need to weather the after marriage doldrums is communication. You and your spouse need to make sure that the relationship is growing the way you want it to and that you both have the same expectations.
We often don’t tell our spouses about the fears and uncertainty we have because we’re afraid that it will hurt them or just afraid that if we say it, it will really be true. But you need to tell them and talk about things because if you don’t, the problems will grow and fester.
Instead of allowing that to happen, get into the habit of total honesty as early as you can. The earlier you start, the easier it’s going to be when and if problems do arrive. This means you both need to be able to work with hurt feelings, to get around and over them to get to the good times.
After marriage, you have the rest of your life. You owe it to yourself and your spouse to try as hard as you can to make it a life worth living. You may need more help than this article can give you, and that’s fine. There are plenty of resources available to help you build a better, stronger marriage.