Are Men or Women More Prone to Unfaithfulness?
May 27, 2009 | Leave a Comment
Unfaithfulness in a relationship has been a hot topic discussed in many settings, probably since the beginning of time. The basketball court, the beauty salon, and the barber shop, are some of the likely places in which people have been compelled to put their two cents in. We’ve all huddled up in a group or at least witnessed people gather to debate over the roles men and women play in their unfaithfulness. Some debates are heated, and some are even humorous, while others allow women and men to learn more about each other in the process of exchanging ideas, feelings, and attitudes about the impact of cheating and being cheated on. Yet the age-old question still remains: Who cheats more, women or men?
Some men seem to follow a common route when developing an answer to this question. Their initial thoughts are somewhat obscured by their resistance to admit their own unfaithfulness in their relationships. But when probed further into discussion, they’re more willing to confess it as long as they’re given the chance to explain why. When asked if women or men cheat the most, transportation manager Lee Greene replied: “I believe men cheat the most because we can. For me, it was easy. Being away from home a lot made it easy and my cockiness made it easy. But I got a conscience about hurting the woman I was with. I felt like a snake, so I stopped.”
“Women do cheat, but men cheat the most. Women have to think about certain risks if the man decides to walk away, like pregnancy, emotional attachment, and STDs,” said salon owner Alta Haralson. “Men don’t seem to consider all the same risks as much as women do, which would make women less inclined to cheat.” She went on to say that the reason a man goes outside of his relationship to have an affair is due to ego and selfishness. “If he feels he’s not sexually fulfilled by his partner, he goes elsewhere. Sometimes it’s just about being bored with one person.”
Unfaithfulness in relationships can result from numerous issues such as lack of intimacy, feeling neglected or ignored, and emotional withdrawal. Unfaithfulness can also lead to irreversible distrust, revenge, divorce and, in some extreme cases, murder. As vehement as we may be about our opinions on this subject, we must be as diligent in remembering the outcome of some of the most infamous cases of unfaithfulness. To name a few: Joey Buttafuoco and his under-aged sidepiece, Amy Fisher, who shot Mrs. Buttafuoco in the face in the heat of a jealous rage; Basketball star Kobe Bryant, who stepped out on his wife, Vanessa, when he had a sexual encounter with a woman in a Colorado hotel room, after which he was charged with rape; and let’s not forget about one of our nation’s most revered presidents, Bill Clinton, who faced impeachment after lying about his affair with intern Monica Lewinsky. The media had a field day with these cases, crowning men the kings of unfaithfulness.
However, according to Michelle Langley, author of Women’s Infidelity, women are cheating just as much as men and the media have just begun to acknowledge, to a limited extent, the pervasive crisis associated with female unfaithfulness. On her website, Womensinfidelity.com, she asserts that after researching women’s sexuality for more than ten years, she concluded that most of society’s beliefs about females are extremely distorted and invalid. She further claims that after an average of four years of marriage, women in their twenties and thirties experience a pre-midlife crisis similar to the male midlife crisis, which makes women more likely to cheat. She also states that women – under this profile at Stage 3 – have lost interest in sex with their husbands who often have no knowledge of their wives’ affairs.
Finding the answer to the battle of the sexes in the cheating department may go down in history books as having more complex questions and no finite solution. At the end of the day, we’ll never establish the absolute winner of this never-ending contest. And maybe it would help if the question were posed differently by asking “Who gets hurt the most from unfaithfulness in a relationship?” Then we’d all agree – hands down –that nobody ever wins.
About the Author: Mel Bancroft is a contributing writer for ; Regal Black Mens Magazine For more information on this subject visit our ; Lifestyle Section To read about ; unfaithfulness.
8 Unhappy Marriage Signs: How to Know When Your Marriage is on the Rocks?
May 16, 2009 | Leave a Comment
Most love marriages start off with great feelings of happiness just like a fairy tale romance, but soon degenerate into something cold and boring, a kind of habit that both partners fall into and soon the marriage starts showing those inevitable unhappy marriage signs that all married couples dread. So what are these signs and how can you notice them and stop them from repairing your marriage until it’s too late?
Sign # 1
Both spouses have taken recourse to vulgar cursing and calling each other names and hurling the choicest of expletives and abuses at each other. Well, this might make you feel at peace with yourself for you have given vent to your anger, but has it helped your marriage in any way? It only leads to damaging behavior of further varieties such as depression, low self esteem, unhappiness, anger etc.
Sign # 2
Another unhappy marriage sign is when dinner times, which are supposed to be family get together times, become relegated to catching supper before the television or grabbing a bite on the run. In this way, it becomes impossible to stay connected to each other.
Sign # 3
Both husband and wife are attending the same social event, but are arriving and leaving separately and independently. Well, this will sure provide fodder to the gossip mills and make the grape vines buzz overtime.
Sign # 4
Other unhappy marriage signs that can spell doom are when either partners or one spouse feels that his/her responsibilities or work is more important than that of the partner’s. What you don’t realize is that it will leave your husband/wife feeling uncared for and unappreciated.
Sign # 5
When you stop listening to your mate, it signifies that something is wrong in your marriage. What you don’t realize is that by keeping yourself busy with yourself and with your job or activity, you are neglecting your partner, hurting his/her feelings and emotions and giving rise to depression, frustration and coldness. Your spouse will start to suffer from a deep lack in his/her life.
Sign # 6
A loveless marriage that has no fire in it is another sign that your marriage is not healty. In such dead marriages, the sexual spark fizzles out prematurely; the couple no longer feels the desire to get intimate between the sheets and drifts apart from each other.
Sign # 7
Whereas once you used to kiss with a lot of passion and intensity and fire, nowadays you just give each other quick pecks on the cheek. This is surely a sign of a dissipating passion.
Sign # 8
When the lines of communication break down and the events and incidents of the day are not shared it forebodes something bad. The emotional intimacy will degenerate into coldness.
Some more unhappy marriage signs that are seen frequently are an unusual silence between the two partners when they have stopped sharing their thoughts and feelings with each other and stopped getting touchy feely or passionate or flushed with desire.
Author Bio: Meredith Glee runs the site Save your marriage where you can download a free marriage report and join her newsletter and receive important marriage advice. You can also read more articles on how to have a happy marriage
How Do You Know When To Call It Quits?
April 17, 2009 | Leave a Comment
One of the questions I’m most frequently asked is, “How do you know when it’s time to quit?”
If divorcing is a consideration for you from a moral perspective, then before you go that route, try first for at least one year.
Did you hear that?
Try for at least one year!
And I mean REALLY try. You can always call it quits. You always have that option. But once you pull that trigger, it’s over. No more chances. Your life will never be the same. Do you have kids? If you do, their life will never be the same.
If you end your marriage, you don’t want there to be a shred of doubt in your mind. You don’t ever want to look back and wonder if things could have been different. You don’t want to ask yourself, “What if this…and what if that…what if I tried this…what if I did that?”
If you have to end your marriage, you want to know DEEP IN YOUR HEART that you did everything you could to make it work.
If you have to end it, you want to be able to move on with your life and into another relationship with a clear head. You want to come to a place of healthy “completion.” THIS IS CRUCIAL! And to accomplish this, in my experience, it takes at least one year. I know it probably seems like a long time, but it’s an investment in the rest of your life.
Here’s the key point. Listen carefully. It’s a good investment for the rest of your life WHETHER YOUR MARRIAGE SUCCEEDS OR NOT. Obviously, it’s a good investment if you turn your marriage around. But if you don’t, it will NOT have been a wasted year. It will have been the most important thing you could have done with that year because of how your effort will impact the rest of your life AND YOUR NEXT RELATIONSHIP.
I have seen too many cases of spouses ending their marriage prematurely, and as result of not reaching “completion” in one relationship, they find themselves in the same situation a few years later with someone else.
The work I do with marriage coaching clients sometimes turns out to be more beneficial for them in their next relationship than in their current one.
I remember once when the marriage of someone who registered for the Lone Ranger track of the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp ended in the middle of the program. This man asked me if he should continue with the final 3 weeks of the program. I said, “Absolutely.”
He responded, “Why? What’s the point? My marriage is over.”
“You’re not doing it for this marriage,” I explained. “You’re doing it for the benefit of your next one.”
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that your intention while you’re working on your marriage should be for the benefit of your life after your marriage. Your intention needs to be to restore your CURRENT relationship. But if you fail, your effort will NOT have been for naught.
Bottom line is this. If you’re asking, “When is it time to call it quits?” The answer is: one year after you think you’re done. If after one year of trying everything in your power to make your marriage work you’re still miserable, then you should consider moving on. Until then, hang in there and don’t give up.
This topic reminds me of my situation many years ago. I remember learning late one night that my wife had an appointment with a divorce attorney the next morning. We were hours from “done.” Who would have ever thought that we could turn things around at that point?
It’s NEVER too late! In fact (and here’s real food for thought), very often the turning point in a marriage is when a couple hits rock bottom. Sometimes it’s not until things couldn’t get worse that they can get better.
I wish you and your spouse the best. If you’d like further information to help with your marriage, then subscribe to my FREE breakthrough report “7 Secrets to a Stronger Marriage” and get a FREE marriage assessment too. To subscribe, CLICK HERE. It’s FREE.
About the Author: Mort Fertel, Marriage Coach & Author of Marriage Fitness