Beating The Break-Up Blues

May 21, 2010 | Leave a Comment

Break-ups are the worst

You feel all out of sorts because life as you’ve known it prior to the break-up gets turned all upside down, and chances are you’re not quite sure which way is up right now.

While I do understand how painful breaking up can be, there are a few things you can do to help transition back into at least a semblance of “normal” life.

The key is to put your focus on something else

It may take a little time, but doing this will take some of the edge off the pain you’re feeling and let you move on through life without having to deal with a lot of the blocks and re-starts some folks can’t seem to get past.

Instead, they get stuck in “life without him/her mode” and have a hard time moving forward.

Don’t let this happen to you

Break-up’s are painful, yes. But the truth is, the world hasn’t ended, even if it does tend to feel like yours is falling apart at the moment. Life will and does go on – with or without you.

You, however, are a survivor. You won’t stay trapped in the past, because you’ll be moving forward.

For the first few weeks, it may be best if you don’t go to the places you and s/he often frequented together, and don’t try to hang out with what should be mutual friends.

You can pick up these extended relationships later, but for now, concentrate on things you know make you feel good that do not have a connection to him/her.

If you have trouble coming up with something to focus on, take some time to think about the kinds of things you enjoyed before you began your relationship.

Did you have a hobby you’ve kind of let go?  Was there something you were passionate about before you and s/he met? Really give it some thought, and then start to do those things.

The more involved you become in doing things that make you feel good, the better you will feel. In time (faster than you think) you’ll be able to call on those friends you and s/he both enjoyed spending time with, and even face-to-face meetings with your ex will be easier to handle.

Just remember to put your focus on doing things that make you feel good, and you’ll beat those break-up blues in no time!

Help Prevent Marriage Failure

May 19, 2010 | Leave a Comment

If you are worried about marriage failure, you must sense that all is not rosy in your own love affair.   Don’t panic, as most marriages go through periods where it seems that the divorce courts are getting nearer but it doesn’t have to end this way.

If you have children, you need to get a babysitter.  Make a date with your husband away from your home.  Go to a restaurant or bar as being in public reduces the risk of your conversation turning into a full scale row. However, leave the booze alone unless of course you have something to celebrate at the end of the day. It is difficult enough to discuss the issues or problems you are facing in your relationship without having an alcohol induced haze to fight as well.

It is important to take this discussion to neutral territory for a number of reasons.  For one thing you have a duty to protect your kids from seeing the worst of the arguments between mom and dad.  Now don’t get me wrong.  Your children will benefit from seeing their parents have mutual disagreements as that is life - bringing kids up to believe that the world is a happy place all the time is just silly and in the long term detrimental to their well being.  But you need to show them that married couples can argue and remain happily involved.  They can disagree but come to a solution together without getting abusive or making appointments with divorce lawyers.

Before you go to this date make a list of all the things you love about your partner and all the things that drive you nuts. Hopefully the first list will be longer!  Also try reading a couple of self help relationship counseling books as these can really help you to put things into perspective. I highly recommend reading the Magic of Making Up as it has saved countless marriages and relationships.

When you do go on your date, be careful how you approach your other half.  If you start the evening off with  “I hate it when” or “look at this list I made of all the reasons you annoy me” you are doomed to failure. You don’t want to attack your partner. OK, you may be angry and you may even have plenty of justification for being very angry but think about what you are trying to achieve.

You do not want your relationship to be another marriage failure statistic. Virtually any relationship can be saved if both parties want it to happen. You may have to persuade your partner that it is worth saving what you have.  You will both have to work hard and the next few months may well be the most difficult you have yet encountered in the history of your relationship.  But when you get through it you will find that your marriage is stronger and happier than it ever was.  Now isn’t that worth fighting for?

Is Your Marriage On The Rock?

May 15, 2010 | Leave a Comment

Are you thinking your marriage is on the rock?  Don’t despair or panic, it is not over yet and with a little work and some good luck you can save your relationship.

Every partnership between a man and a woman will go through a period where it seems they have fallen in hate with each other rather than love. Perhaps you are fighting every day and can’t remember the last time you both spent some quality loving time together.  Perhaps your sex life has died and is now just a distant memory.  Or maybe you have found out your partner has been cheating on you or lying to you about something important?

People often believe that cheating is the end of any relationship but it doesn’t have to be.  A one off affair is not the same as somebody who cheats on a regular basis regardless of the consequences.   That shows a distinct lack of respect for their partner and that is not an easy problem to resolve.

Whatever the reason for your current difficulties, splitting up and heading for the divorce courts is not the easy answer. You owe it to yourself and each other to make an effort to save this relationship and fight for your right to be happy together. You fell in love once and the good news is that you can rekindle these feelings and perhaps even make your marriage stronger.  Will it be easy? No!  Will it be painful?  Yes!  Will it take time?  Yes!  But will it be worth it? Almost definitely.  I say almost as only you know whether you are willing to put in the time, effort and commitment to saving your marriage.

You are going to need some outside help. For some this will take the form of relationship counseling while others would prefer to read a book in the privacy of their own home.  Some people will want to do both.  I would strongly recommend that you both read the Magic of Making Up.  It will help you to put things into perspective.  It will also show you that most couples are capable of resolving their issues and making their commitment to each other stronger and happier.

It really comes down to the question of whether you are prepared to fight for the potential your marriage once had or if you want to walk away. If you think you prefer the second option, remember that the grass can appear greener on the other side. In other words, it may seem that you will be happier with your partner out of the picture but the reality could be very different. Life is hard no matter what age or background you come from.  Sharing the ups and downs that come along every day with someone you love and respect makes living a lot more fun and a lot more worthwhile.

So what are you willing to do to take your marriage on the rock and turn it into a happy love affair?

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