The Happy Marriage Formula Part II
May 10, 2009 | Leave a Comment
This is a continuation of what makes a happy marriage. In part 1 we covered building fond memories and reminiscing about them together. Also covered in part one was making a point to smile and laugh a lot together. The world is a serious place, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be loose and have fun. So is that it? Of course not, there are many factors that lead to your dream marriage and we will cover a couple more of them in this chapter. The following, along with part 1, is what we’ve found makes couples happy together. Remember, these are not all inclusive points and these things are not what will make every marriage a happy one. These are simply observations we have made concerning the traits of happy couples, pieces of a puzzle.
Question, what impresses most women and makes them gaga and gets guys ‘lucky’ that particular day? What impresses men and makes them feel good and loved even though they are too stubborn to admit that they like it? Answer, when we remember dates that is special to one another and we go out of our way in order to make that date special for the other person. We all know that women love this; you see it everyday on one talk show or another or by listening to women talk about who forgot what and how sweet someone remembered something, but men like it as well. For instance, I like that my spouse thinks of our relationship so highly that she wants to celebrate every miles stone that the relationship gods have to offer. My wife is impressed that I can remember the exact date, place, time and what we had to drink on our first official date thirteen+ special years ago. She also loves the fact that I treat that date as an anniversary every year and make her feel extra special in my life. The point is that we all have times that we cherish together and we should feel good about the special dates in our lives and celebrate those days with fond memories and laughs. When we forget about the special dates and/or no longer celebrate those days we risk the perception that we no longer care or cherish the special times that our relationship has represented over the passage of time.
There are many times where the day ends and couples adjourn to their separate places in the home to do whatever it is that they feel like doing. This is fine and we all need our alone time here and there. The problem is that once we make this a routine we forget about the needs of the other person and it no longer becomes a we household but a ‘what do I want/need’ household. Other times couples get caught up going out too much or hanging out with friends all of the time. While these acts alone and/or in moderation are healthy getting into a routine of not emphasizing the importance of your spouse is not healthy. The key point here is to make each other most important. This can be accomplished quite simply by asking yourself “what would make my husband/wife happy right now”. This is putting your spouse ahead of your favorite television show or the computer or your friend at the Pub. This is contingent on paying attention to your spouses feelings and recognizing the signs that they need you right now, whether it be someone to talk to in order to blow off steam or just to sit next to and hold hands while watching a movie even though it is your night to go out with friends. No matter how put off you may feel look at your spouse and recognize their need for you and make them the most important person in your life. Life and especially marriage is not always about you…the quicker you realize this the happier your life and your marriage will be.
There you have it. Two more brief examples of what I’ve seen looking at happily married couples. Just a side note here, the couples that I profile are young and old alike. These traits on not age specific but they are specific in generating a loving and happy relationship from onset to sunset. Until next time, grab some popcorn and start the DVR.
Daniel is a writer for Marriage Expert. He has four children and is married to the same beautiful woman he met in 1995. Please visit us at Marriage Expert and share your experiences with us. Visit Marriage Expert! Also read the outstanding book featured on Oprah. 1000 Questions For Couples.
The Happy Marriage Formula
May 9, 2009 | Leave a Comment
What are the ingredients to a happy and successful marriage? This question is probably the number one question asked by couples of all time. The problem is there is no secret and clear cut formula, we are not robots. Everyone has an idea of the perfect relationship whether it is for companionship, status, true love or convenience. If you think some of these are odd reasons to be married consider celebrity marriages and you can just imagine that some of these are not born of true love. Although there is no easy to follow formula there are some common themes to happily married couples. The happy marriage I’ll be talking about is the one us average folks envision when we meet someone we love. Whenever we hear happy couples talk whether it is on T.V., read it in the paper or magazines or know some personally, take note. Some of the traits that happy couples exhibit can be mimicked and learned upon if you’d just pay attention. I’ll separate this article in sections as to keep them readable.
Bill Cosby quote “”The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.” Think about the times you have when you get together with your best friend(s) and sit around and talk. This conversation, more times than not, involves laughter and reminiscing about past good times you had together. Well considering your spouse should also be your best friend, spend time with them talking about the good times that you have had together. This reminds us how close we have become and how good times can create strong bonds. This reminds us that no matter how stagnant the relationship is, that it can be fun and filled with good memories and laughter.
This leads us right into the next important ingredient, smiling and laughter. Try thinking of something that makes you smile and laugh when you’re having a bad day. It helps bring the day into perspective and helps to turn your current attitude around doesn’t it? The same holds true in marriage. Smile and laugh a lot together. Sometimes when my day is just ho-hum I look at my wife and make her smile somehow. Just seeing her smile turns my day around and makes me happy. I really don’t understand how two people live together and are happy without smiles and laughter. Go out of your way to compliment your spouse and you’ll inevitably see a smile. This smile is good for both of you and makes the two of you feel good inside as well as promoting a caring relationship. I’d even go so far as to make it your goal to do at least one nice deed for your spouse everyday, it doesn’t have to be huge just nice and unexpected. This could be as menial as doing the dishes or taking out the trash if that is one of the chores your spouse usually handles. They will thank you for it and it will make you feel good at the same time. Besides deep love and intimate contact laughter and making each other smile ranks up at the tops of my list as must haves for any relationship.
I’ll end this section with a true example. My parents are happily married and I think they did a pretty good job raising us. One thing that I’ve noticed is that they have ‘Happy Hour’ just about everyday. This is like clockwork, almost everyday at four my dad makes a Manhattan and he pours my mom a glass of wine. He then proceeds to cut up some cheese and puts them on a plate with some crackers. They then sit at the kitchen table without a television or radio and just talk. The cool thing is that when they are talking they talk about things that make them laugh. They never bring up things that can lead to arguments or sighs of frustrations. They really enjoy this time together and they welcome us and whoever else wants to stop by to join in because they know that will only lead to more laughter and smiles. Recently I’ve added this tidbit to our routine and involved the kids. Not only do they enjoy the cheese and soda/juice but if you really want to laugh implement the kids in this routine…trust me, they can create some real side splitters. Until part II, keep the lip corners pointed up!!!
About the Author: Daniel is a writer for Marriage Expert. He has four children and is married to the same beautiful woman he met in 1995. Please visit us at Marriage Expert and share your experiences with us. Visit Marriage Expert! Also read the outstanding book featured on Oprah, 1000 Questions For Couples.
Best Seller Books On Relationships May Make A Fool Of You
February 11, 2009 | Leave a Comment
If your ex has just broken up with you, you may be in the marketplace for books on relationships. But how do you choose the best books on relationships among the many offerings out there?
In this article, I will show you how to choose the best books on relationships. And the answer will surprise you. Read on…
First, don’t be fooled by fancy letters after a author’s name. There are many people who find school to be a convenient escape from real life. Instead of engaging with people, they spend their time in the classroom and library. As a result, they end up with a lot of letters after their names when they hit age 35. They use their degrees to indicate that they have “expert knowledge” of a situation. But does their expertise work in the real world?
Instead, you should look for books on relationships by authors who have been in the trenches. They’ve either put a bad relationship back together themselves or they have helped countless buddies do the same. These aren’t therapy patients that come in for the “fifty minute hour” either. These relationships are those of people the author cares deeply about.
Next, you want to find books that don’t boil down to “put the relationship aside for 30 days and work on yourself during that period.” This is all most “save your relationship” or “get your ex back” reports say. Many of the ebooks on the market turn that concept into 50 page documents. These are just pieces of fluff and don’t deserve your attention – or your money.
Instead, you should look for a book that will give you new information; information that you’re friends can’t give you.
For instance, will the book tell you what women crave the most? Will it give you a step by step guide for how to give it to her? Will the book show you how to recover from an affair? Will it give you specific techniques to get relief from your pain?
Finally, look at who is recommending the book. Do the testimonials seem a little generic? Were they written by the author’s brother and second cousin?
You want to find books on relationships that come recommended by a wide variety of people, in various situations, from all walks of life. If it looks like both a guy from England and a newly engaged woman from Kansas have used the book, chances are it will work for you.
There are many books on relationships on the market. Unfortunately, most of them are drivel because they weren’t written by someone in the trenches. As a result, they have generic advice that could be best summed up in a paragraph or two. Then, what recommendations the book can get are generic in nature, because the book really has nothing going for it.
Finding the best books on relationships can take a little work. But, everything about relationships are work. Shouldn’t you invest the time and money in the very best book out them?
Check it out here: –> The Magic of Making Up