How to Save Marriage When Things Seem Bad

January 11, 2010 | Leave a Comment

You have been fighting and arguing for months and you are wondering how to save marriage? A great deal depends on the communication methods of you and your spouse. Other considerations include the basic cause of the arguments you have been having over the last few months. Are the arguments knock down drag out? Or do you have healthy discussions without anger and raised voices? Do you both listen carefully to what each other person has to say and then try to address each point in the discussion?

Marriage is a wonderful institution that no one seems to get any training for before they enter into it. You meet someone and fall in love and progress through the courtship and find that you want to spend the rest of your life with that special person and decide to get married. Some religions require you go through a brief marriage class before being allowed to be married in their church. These classes are designed more to acquaint you with the particulars of that church’s doctrine versus what marriage will really be all about. There are even classes on child birthing, but why are there not classes regarding what will happen during a marriage and if things start to go wrong how to save a marriage?

Experts always say that having many things in common is an excellent way to a healthy marriage, but the biggest thing to have in common is an understanding of communication styles so that you are not alienating your spouse without even meaning to. Men and women have different communication styles and need to understand what a particular communication is supposed to mean. Women have a tendency to want to vent without their spouse offering an instant solution. The process of talking through what is going on is usually enough, but if a woman thinks her spouse is patronizing or not listening then frustration can build up. Understanding communication styles is a way to keep a marriage alive.

Other experts say that to avoid poisonous building up of anger and frustration you should never go to sleep angry. Both parties should always try to avoid raised voices and accusations and try to see the other point of view. This by no means should excuse either party if they have done something seriously wrong, but neither party should let things build up until there is an explosion and both parties say things that they should not. It is human nature to try to hurt the person that you feel has hurt you, but the situation needs to be looked at objectively and both people need to address the situation in a positive manner.

Keeping secrets is a sure way to have conflict and strife so to avoid arguments and thoughts of divorce or separation you should not keep secrets from each other. The best way to save marriage is to not get to the point where one or the other wants to get out of the marriage.

Author Bio: Doug has been writing articles for nearly 4 years. Come visit his latest website over at http://racingrunningshoes.com which helps people find the Brooks Beast running shoes they are looking for.

7 Rules For Saving Your Marriage

November 25, 2008 | Leave a Comment

Is your marriage in trouble?

The first question you need to ask yourself is: “Do I want to save this marriage or do I want to leave it?” If the answer is that you want to save it, then this article is for you.

Following are 7 rules or choices that you can make to completely change the course of your marriage.

1. Be honest with yourself regarding your primary intention. Which category do you fall into - the intent to protect or the intent to learn?

a. Is your primary intention to protect yourself from your fears with some form of controlling behavior - such as anger, blame, criticism, withdrawal of love, threats, compliance, or resistance? Is having power over your partner and winning more important to you than being loving to yourself and your partner? Do you make your partner responsible for your feelings? Are you more devoted to getting love and avoiding rejection rather than to mutuality, caring, and sharing love?

b. Is your primary intention to learn about loving yourself and your partner? Are you more devoted to mutuality, caring and sharing love than to being right, winning, having your way, or making your partner responsible for your feelings? Is learning more important to you than whether or not you receive approval?

Basic to all the other rules is being in the intent to learn about loving yourself and others. If your primary intent is to protect yourself from pain and rejection with controlling behavior, you will have no chance of improving your relationship. You will continue to create the very problems you are attempting to avoid with your controlling behavior.

2. Let go of the past. Hanging on to old grievances is part of the intent to protect - blaming your partner for your pain rather than taking responsibility for whatever choices you made that resulted in your unhappiness.

3. Disengage from conflict as soon as one person is not open to learning. There is no point in trying to talk out problems and issues until both people are open to learning. If you are open and your partner is not, then give up trying to solve problems by talking about them and unilaterally figure out how to take loving care of yourself in the face of your partner’s choices.

4. Keep your eyes on your own plate, sharing only about yourself and your own learning. Let go of analyzing or defining your partner. Let go of interrogating questions that are really attacks. These behaviors are controlling and invasive. Your job is to define yourself, not your partner! The more you define your own inner worth and let go of attempting to define your partner, the better your relationship will become.

5. Do your own Inner Bonding work to deal with your issues of abandonment and engulfment, and to define your own worth and lovability. Rather than making your partner responsible for your fears of abandonment or your fears of losing yourself, do your inner healing work to move beyond these fears. Take full 100% responsibility for these fears rather than making your partner responsible for causing them.

6. Accept your lack of control over the other person, choosing instead to see your partner as his or her own person. Learn to cherish the differences rather than try to make your partner into you. Support your partner in becoming all he or she came to this planet to be. Support your partner in what brings him or her joy, taking responsibility for whatever fears your partner’s independence brings up for you.

7. Make kindness to your self and others your guiding light, even when your fears are triggered.

Once again, if you are stuck in the mindset of protection and control, you will not be able to make these choices. Your intent to learn is basic to being able to make these choices and improve your relationship. You are in charge of your intent and you always have the option to let go of the intent to protect/control and move into the intent to learn about loving yourself and your partner.

Author Bio: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding

Please Help Me Save My Marriage - Don’t Worry We Have All the Help You Need!

November 21, 2008 | Leave a Comment

More and more married couples experiences their fair share of the other side of a fairytale love story. There’s always a point in one’s love life that becomes bitter. One may claim having given or done everything and still the result is the same. It makes them desperate on how to save their marriage. The truth about saving a marriage isn’t difficult. All it takes is a proper move and a well planned set up and step by step procedure to make it a hit. Relax, be cool and breathe.

If marriage has been on the rocks for long period, it’s sure one big problem. Couples who intends to save their relationship should not make it long to make an effort to do it because by doing so, the flame may cool down and little by little you will be forgotten and totally be dissolved in your spouse’ heartbeat. But it’s also not good to make an effort instantly after the problem had occurred. The best way is to give her proper time to think about many things in your relationship, and you must do the same too. Let both of you cool down and breathe afresh. When you’re both ready to talk about it, and then talk like nothing had happened in the past, be natural and comfortable. Be honest above all. Take advantage of the time spend on the certain event, get hints how you can be more focus and do new tricks to make the outcome more valuable. Having a good inner and outer self, will make your outcome become successful. It’s easy to do as long as you’re willing to do it.

But if the problem is way too far from that simple kind of problems, then seek a professional. A therapist is one of the best that can help. You may tell the professional “Please help me save my marriage because it’s been long since. And I badly miss him; I know I truly love him” Every time people falls apart, the line “Please help me save my marriage”, becomes popular. By telling your therapists “Please help me save my marriage”, she will be able to determine what kind of treatment you needs. However, getting a counselor should be well chosen. There are different kinds of person even though they have same profession. What’s better is to get one that you got from a trusted fellow.

Don’t be too serious even though the problem is. Don’t pressure yourself like even when sleeping you’re bothered and would say, “Help me save my marriage”. Instead, focus on what you can do and contribute to improve your marriage relationship. Avoid saying “Help me save my relationship” to almost anybody as it may let them think you are not just depressed and desperate but has become a total wreck. Do not give up on saving your relationship. Always remember that you love each other and you only belong to one another till forever. Be strong and hold on always.

Author Bio: Save My Marriage TODAY! Professional marriage saver gives you FREE advice on how to stop divorce and save your marriage now! Go to http://www.SaveYourMarriageQuick.com

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